Wednesday, March 14, 2012 @ 3:41 PM

You're just another beautiful shitty memory.

I was debating whether or not I should write a post about the immense revulsion I feel towards that disgusting, disgusting thing that I don't even want to consider as an "ex", but I've decided that the topic is no longer worth my time because I've moved on.

To take in place of that will be a post written solely for my benefit, which will consist of the lessons I've learned through this terrible experience.

My mom has always told me, "You can even learn a thing or two from a thief." By that, she isn't encouraging me to learn the ways of a thief, but to help me realize that stealing is the wrong thing to do and learn the consequences that follow that specific mistake. I've realized that mourning over my losses will get me nowhere but down, so I'm going to consider this horrid experience as an advantage that has taught me an overwhelming amount of life's harsh lessons.

If I hadn't been blinded, if I had trusted my gut feeling at least once, much of this could have been prevented. As the naive girl that I am, I was too trusting. I was blinded by what I considered to be "love" at the time and that led to disastrous results. Rarely do I trust the hunches that I have about a situation although most of my assumptions end up accurate. I tend to doubt myself more than believe in myself and that imbalance caused so much issues that could have been avoided. I never wanted to be the type of person that has difficulty trusting people but through this, I've learned that I need to find middle ground between distrust and trust. People have the ability to harm you, especially the ones that you least expect to cause any sort of damage. When you're too trusting, they'll take advantage of you. When you have trust issues, you cause unnecessary issues for yourself. Not everyone speaks the truth and not everyone is bad. Search and remain within the medium.

The heart wants what the heart wants, but don't let your heart indulge in every desire it comes up with. Think with your mind AND your heart. This time, I've let my heart carry me off too far. I wanted nothing to do with reality because of how horrible it was, but I had to face it sooner or later. My heart yearned for him despite all the clues and hints that were given to prevent me from getting hurt. The heart deluged the mind and its desires became uncontrollable. I shouldn't have depended solely on my heart to guide me to the right path. I should have thought with my brain and let my heart deal with emotions. Don't think with your heart as it's easily affected by emotions which can mislead you.

The greatest issue that I can think of from this past experience is the terrible imbalance of power that was shared between us two. The majority of the power somehow shifted towards his side, leaving me powerless. I shouldn't have dealt with his power-crazed mind because nothing was ever fair. There was no such thing as equality or fairness.

People are hypocritical bitches. They'll preach intensely about one mistake then commit the same mistake right after. They'll do things that they tell others not to do, by lying and even hiding their wrongdoings. People want to leave positive impressions and make it seem like they're flawless. That they never do wrong. They go as far as to even blame others for their imperfections, making it seem as if you're the source of all problems, that it is you who should change, and not them.

Some people are low-key, others pathetic and ungrateful. No matter how much love you pour out, if it's not what they're exactly looking for, your loss does not matter to them. They're careless and will dry your heart out, leaving it hallow and empty with nothing more to give. When you've got nothing to give, they leave in search of a new victim. People aren't as innocent as they make themselves out to be. Never sacrifice your entire life for your """loved one""", because you're never certain of the amount of pitiful lies they spit out.

Although it was completely out of my ability to discover the truth about the shittiest relationship I've ever been in with the shittiest person I've ever met, I've learned enough to reduce the chances of stepping into another bull shit relationship. In a way, I guess you could say that I'm glad that a disgusting human being such as himself came into my life and taught me a lesson or two.