Thursday, March 29, 2012 @ 5:15 PM

In order to meet a good person, you have to be great yourself.

@ 4:36 PM

Do I really want to deal with this shit, again?

No.

No more bull shit.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 12:12 AM

Everything happened so quickly. Memories are lost. Feelings have faded. Everything that mattered is no longer, it's as if it all evaporated into the clouds never to be seen again. Unable to capture, unable to behold. Never again.

I'm not missing you, but
Monday, March 26, 2012 @ 8:37 PM

I miss the passion. The desire. The ability to freely claim a person as "mine".

I miss the strong desire to want to be with someone, so badly. I miss all the loving. I miss missing someone that is worth it. I miss the intense emotions that came with "love". I miss caring about that special somebody. I miss being cared for.

I miss all of those feelings.

@ 8:00 PM

My mind is restless.

Sunday, March 25, 2012 @ 3:15 PM

When you're in love, or think that you're in love, you become blinded. As the center of your life shifts to one specific person, your priorities are altered and fit to please them. When you care about someone more than yourself, it becomes natural to give without expecting much in return. That one person becomes your light, your motivator, your everything. They're placed on a pedestal so high that even their most outrageous flaws are seen as perfection in your eyes. They become your idea of "perfect" but when the cold, harsh truth slaps you in the face, you don't want to believe it. You can't seem to grasp the fact that they are bound to disappoint you. Maybe they don't love you as much as they make you believe they do. You start to make excuses for them to please yourself, to satisfy yourself, to avoid the cruel disappointment that is reality. You make excuses for their mistakes and shortcomings. When they give you nothing after you've given them your everything, you think that they weren't able to give as much as you, that they couldn't. While it could be because they simply didn't want to. It's difficult to become aware of the truth. It's difficult to accept certain facts that will tear your frail heart apart, but the truth hurts. Reality is harsh. Your "perfect" person turns out to be just like everyone else, maybe even worse. They aren't infallible.

Saturday, March 24, 2012 @ 10:16 PM

I've either learned to neglect my feelings or I'm slowly becoming happy again.

@ 10:15 PM

Tuesday, March 20, 2012 @ 4:44 PM

Maybe it isn't about the looks or how much things you have. Maybe a perfect appearance has nothing to do with being happy.

Maybe happiness derives from something other than materialistic things and a flawless outer mask.

The happiest people are those who receive an abundance of love and that are "in love". The happiest people are the ones that have felt true, unending love. The happiest people are the ones with the biggest, kindest hearts.

So maybe, just maybe, happiness comes with having a good heart, and not "things" that can be physically seen or simply purchased. You might not gain anything permanent from merely focusing on the exterior of a person, or even yourself. Everything on the outside can rot, be destroyed, fade, and wear out. What your heart can hold can remain inside until you die. Your beliefs, morals, love, hate, and memories. No one has the ability to take what's inside your heart away from you. When you lose certain things from within, it's because you choose to give in to that loss, not because someone stole them from you. Focus on what you store inside your heart because what goes in may never come out. Everything you save within, even the littlest things, determine whether you're good or rotten.

I don't want to sound too cliche, but my entire rant can be summed up with: Just because you have a pretty face doesn't mean you have a pretty heart. Looks fade quicker than you expect.

Monday, March 19, 2012 @ 8:05 PM

I talk to so many people.

Yet I'm always left feeling empty.

So, so, so empty.

I'm afraid that this feeling will never go away.

I'm afraid that I'll never feel genuinely "happy" again. Everything seems momentary, temporary. I don't want my next happiness to fade.

Please.

"You're gonna miss this."
@ 11:00 AM

Actually, he probably won’t. He’ll probably move on and when he thinks of you it will be nothing to him. He’s going to wonder why you still talk about him when he has forgotten about everything and just moved on. You’re a beautiful person, whether he sees it or not. He may have hurt you. You may have cried. But you have to move on. When someone leaves you, don’t think about the what ifs, trying your hardest to make it work, or any of that. Think “This just means I’m going to find someone that loves me as much as I love them. I’m going to find someone that treats me 100% better than anyone ever has.” The hard part is having the patience for that person’s entry into your life.

source: emmyballenger

@ 10:43 AM

Friday, March 16, 2012 @ 8:16 PM

' myu says:
i feel emotionally unstable again
fml
.nat says:
bcuz of ur phone or bcuz of assdick

@ 4:52 PM

I wish I had a loving heart.

My heart's entering a bad state where all it produces is a ton of hatred. It multiplies by the second, just like bacteria. It feels like it's feeding off of the sliver of hope I've got left. Every time I accidentally think of you, I feel like killing someone. Not literally, or at least I hope not. I just want you to get the fuck off my mind because your existence bothers the shit out of me.

I just want to forget and forgive. Not for your sake, fuck no, but for my own. This is such a heavy burden on my heart. Hating you is only bringing me down. I want to stop.

I want to wake up one day not knowing what your name is or where you live. I want to think back on those eight miserable, miserable months and not remember a single fucking thing.

Tumblr, re-made.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 @ 10:06 PM

http://cherishment.tumblr.com/

@ 3:41 PM

You're just another beautiful shitty memory.

I was debating whether or not I should write a post about the immense revulsion I feel towards that disgusting, disgusting thing that I don't even want to consider as an "ex", but I've decided that the topic is no longer worth my time because I've moved on.

To take in place of that will be a post written solely for my benefit, which will consist of the lessons I've learned through this terrible experience.

My mom has always told me, "You can even learn a thing or two from a thief." By that, she isn't encouraging me to learn the ways of a thief, but to help me realize that stealing is the wrong thing to do and learn the consequences that follow that specific mistake. I've realized that mourning over my losses will get me nowhere but down, so I'm going to consider this horrid experience as an advantage that has taught me an overwhelming amount of life's harsh lessons.

If I hadn't been blinded, if I had trusted my gut feeling at least once, much of this could have been prevented. As the naive girl that I am, I was too trusting. I was blinded by what I considered to be "love" at the time and that led to disastrous results. Rarely do I trust the hunches that I have about a situation although most of my assumptions end up accurate. I tend to doubt myself more than believe in myself and that imbalance caused so much issues that could have been avoided. I never wanted to be the type of person that has difficulty trusting people but through this, I've learned that I need to find middle ground between distrust and trust. People have the ability to harm you, especially the ones that you least expect to cause any sort of damage. When you're too trusting, they'll take advantage of you. When you have trust issues, you cause unnecessary issues for yourself. Not everyone speaks the truth and not everyone is bad. Search and remain within the medium.

The heart wants what the heart wants, but don't let your heart indulge in every desire it comes up with. Think with your mind AND your heart. This time, I've let my heart carry me off too far. I wanted nothing to do with reality because of how horrible it was, but I had to face it sooner or later. My heart yearned for him despite all the clues and hints that were given to prevent me from getting hurt. The heart deluged the mind and its desires became uncontrollable. I shouldn't have depended solely on my heart to guide me to the right path. I should have thought with my brain and let my heart deal with emotions. Don't think with your heart as it's easily affected by emotions which can mislead you.

The greatest issue that I can think of from this past experience is the terrible imbalance of power that was shared between us two. The majority of the power somehow shifted towards his side, leaving me powerless. I shouldn't have dealt with his power-crazed mind because nothing was ever fair. There was no such thing as equality or fairness.

People are hypocritical bitches. They'll preach intensely about one mistake then commit the same mistake right after. They'll do things that they tell others not to do, by lying and even hiding their wrongdoings. People want to leave positive impressions and make it seem like they're flawless. That they never do wrong. They go as far as to even blame others for their imperfections, making it seem as if you're the source of all problems, that it is you who should change, and not them.

Some people are low-key, others pathetic and ungrateful. No matter how much love you pour out, if it's not what they're exactly looking for, your loss does not matter to them. They're careless and will dry your heart out, leaving it hallow and empty with nothing more to give. When you've got nothing to give, they leave in search of a new victim. People aren't as innocent as they make themselves out to be. Never sacrifice your entire life for your """loved one""", because you're never certain of the amount of pitiful lies they spit out.

Although it was completely out of my ability to discover the truth about the shittiest relationship I've ever been in with the shittiest person I've ever met, I've learned enough to reduce the chances of stepping into another bull shit relationship. In a way, I guess you could say that I'm glad that a disgusting human being such as himself came into my life and taught me a lesson or two.

Monday, March 12, 2012 @ 3:25 AM

You've taken a hundred steps forward while I'm still running around in circles, searching for you.

atm: I hate life.
Saturday, March 10, 2012 @ 8:27 PM

I can literally pick out every single person and rant about what I hate about them, besides a few people. Literally every single thing has been irritating me for the past week, probably because of my stupid-teenage-breakup-shit.

I wish things were back to “normal”, whatever “normal” used to be. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, it’s as if my heart’s crumbling and being suffocated by thoughts of him. I want to find happiness again. I want to easily and effortlessly smile, whether it’s with him or without him. I can’t seem to bring myself to cross the border that’s between letting go and holding on. The fact that we’re actually over still hasn’t completely hit me; I just can’t seem to believe it. It’s so difficult to believe that he’s gone when merely a few days ago, he was the closest person to my heart. His absence seems unbelievable, like a dream almost, because we were always together. It hurts to imagine everything we’ve worked for fading away day by day. It hurts to realize that sooner or later, we’ll be nothing more than strangers, just like the beginning. We’ll eventually feel indifferent despite all we’ve been through. The intensity of the love we’ve once felt will be forgotten and difficult to recall.

Thinking about my future without him.. simply sucks, for lack of a better term.

Because I have no life.
@ 2:06 PM

Ambivalent.
Friday, March 9, 2012 @ 11:07 PM

This is the biggest struggle.

When you are caught between a cliff and a dead end. To fall or to remain drowned in sorrow. To give up or continue, risking emotions and destroying myself physically and mentally in the process.

Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have.

I have thought of giving up as many times as I have repeated, "I will never give up on you." Things were so difficult; whether I should continue with just broken pieces of a relationship once beautiful and thriving, or start with a new slate. My desires fucked with my mind, they clouded my vision of what my heart truly yearned for. I was indecisive. I was wrong. Happy, yet old memories reappeared into my mind and forced the fact that I will never feel like this with anyone ever again. I don't need him, but I'm choosing to suffer because I want to be with him.

His thoughts clash with mine however, he chose to give up and decided all of this suffering isn't worth it. That I'm not worth it. He wants nothing to do with me for the rest of his life, he says. I fool myself into thinking that those words were consumed with anger. That they are not 100% true, that his rage pushed him to say things that he didn't mean. But once again, I'm only fooling myself. Possibly to avoid the truth.

Enduring is difficult. Trying to control my emotions is difficult. Trying to forget the ache that is emitting from the core of my heart, hurts. It hurts, everything hurts so fucking much, but the thought of him turning around for me even once makes it all worth it. I can't give up. I can't move on. I can't leave where I am standing because I might miss him when he actually comes around.

@ 10:35 PM

That's how you survive.
When it hurts so much you can't breathe.
That's how you survive.
By remembering that one day, somehow, it won't feel this way.
It won't hurt this much.
― Grey's Anatomy

@ 10:19 PM

How much one's life could be turned around by just one single human being, I will never know. No one will. How one individual could impact you in such a way to either save or kill you, I will never know. How one person can crush your frail heart with the palms of their hands, I will never know. I will never understand why people let people in and give them every privilege to kill you. I will never understand why anyone would unveil their vulnerability to one person thinking they're able to be trusted.

I will never understand why I fell in love with someone like you, but I did, and it's absolute hell.

Hell.

@ 10:16 PM

And the thing is, sometimes it’s you, the whole time it’s you who was breaking your own heart, and not him, not them, not anyone but yourself and your own expectations, your own idealism that you could never seem to achieve, never seem to satisfy in a way that would make you happy, in a way that you’ve been wanting, needing to be happy for the longest time. Sometimes it’s only you who has done it to yourself, and only you who could have prevented it all along.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012 @ 11:21 PM

I still want to be with you after all of this. I may sound like I'm out of my mind, I may sound obscure, and I may sound ridiculous. I can't get you out of my mind.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Thursday, March 1, 2012 @ 11:43 PM

It's too fucking exhausting loving you.

Since I've stepped into your life as a lover, I've been struck with this feeling of difficulty that never seemed to come to an end. The harder we fell in love with each other, the more difficult it became to endure. We started with a thick rope that held us together. It gradually began to lose its durability as our hearts grew heavier. The strings were tearing apart until it was frayed. A strand of yarn is all that's left over after all of this; a strand of yarn is all that is holding us together.

I've always doubted the word, "forever" but you made me think twice about it. You made me believe that we could turn what was impossible into a possibility. You made me feel your love, leaving me black and blue and with ache. Giving up was never an option for me. Letting you go wasn't either. It's just so.. so painful to continue. But it's even more painful to be left alone again.

All I wish is for you to hold me close, cover me in your warm embrace, and make everything go away. You've done it before. I need it the most now. I need you more than ever before, but you've already ran so far away. When did we get so distant? It seems like it all happened so quickly, or maybe we neglected it enough to be oblivious of the growing distance until we were too far, too late. At one point I was able to feel your presence without movement. You were there to shelter me from everything bad. Now I'm unable to reach you even with the tips of my fingers.

I miss you, I miss you.

@ 4:45 PM

I could be trapped in an empty room for the longest time and still find something to remind me of you.