Thursday, September 26, 2013 @ 9:38 PM

I need to distance myself from you before I start caring too much.

September 27
@ 8:41 PM

For as long as I could remember, my birthday celebration that I would receive from my family consisted of my dad simply wishing me a "happy birthday" any time during the day that he saw me, and most times, they seemed forced and felt awkward because I could tell that he hardly meant it.


But at least he didn't trivialize the day of my birth, like my mom who tends to overlook it completely and I would be considered lucky for the (very few) times my mom acknowledged my birthday. As sad as it sounds, I've gotten used to setting no expectations for them, or for anyone else. I don't even expect anyone to remember it without the annoying Facebook and Skype notifications everyone is forced to see. And for those who actually do remember it, I appreciate it (a lot).

Tuesday, September 24, 2013 @ 9:29 PM

Actually, I most likely do know the exact point in time and what event has resulted in my current inability to commit and be willing to love someone with my entire being, I just don't want to think deeply about it. I don't want to blame a single individual for my unhappiness anymore. As hard as it is, I do have the potential to change myself, I'm just afraid to. I'm deathly afraid to.

When I push people away (and mind you, I've done that too many times after my last relationship), it isn't like the first thing that pops into my head is, "I'm afraid, get away from me, you'll probably hurt me like everyone else," but my mind rather insinuates that with a more subtle approach. It's always in the back of my head—how I am now deathly afraid of any sort of long lasting attachment and commitment—and I have to think about why I feel so terribly uneasy when someone is getting closer to me and is becoming someone of value in my life, for quite awhile. It is only after that, that I realize I feel such a way because of my increasing trepidation of attachment.

@ 9:12 PM

I just want to get close to you, I want to get to know you (again).

@ 9:10 PM

Countless people have asked me
how I can fall in love
with those who are never (physically) here

Little do they know
the bonds I've developed with those
who live thousands of miles away
feel closer to me
than those who are right by my finger tips

Sunday, September 15, 2013 @ 12:40 AM

I'm addicted to what will kill me.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013 @ 10:59 PM