Late night thoughts
Sunday, August 26, 2012 @ 11:59 PM

The wise may say that the future is only a repeat of history.

If that applies to every situation, I am afraid of the future. This exact moment 10 years ago, I would have never imagined myself to be living my life like this. Everyone has their own regrets and mistakes, yes, but I can't seem to avoid the idea that I am a walking disappointment, a pile of failures. This short period of time consisting of a year that I am living in right now is supposed to determine the rest of my life, apparently. Let's say that is true. As somewhat of an optimist, I dream. I dream to be successful, 10, 20 years from now. If the future is a copy of what has previously occurred in the past, does that not prove that I will face failure again or at least severely reduce my chances of success?

Will my best be enough or will it be neglected and forever marked as inadequate?

@ 11:15 PM

Mood is increasingly going downhill day by day.

Someone explain why this is happening.

@ 12:51 AM

It hits again.

My memories swallow me. They get triggered so often and by the tiniest things. I want to describe them as insignificant but I can't because if they were, I'd be nonchalant.. Right? I am reminded of my entire past in mere seconds. In a blink of an eye the memories that took so much to overcome and disdain are awakened and played repeatedly in my mind.

All over again.

Friday, August 24, 2012 @ 12:42 AM

I want to be thinner.

Monday, August 20, 2012 @ 8:12 PM

If you plan on affecting me in some way, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that. My heart has grown cold and immovable the past several months and nothing "gets" to me as much as it used to. Am I fully detached from my emotions? I'm not sure and neither am I certain on whether or not I am fond of this 180 degree change in my attitude, but it's something I must accept and adapt to.

It's become awfully challenging to smile a little, laugh a little, enjoy a little, and even cry a little. It's difficult to "feel" the simplest emotions.

Saturday, August 18, 2012 @ 3:56 PM

Hi, I'd really appreciate it if you looked at Nat and I's fashion blog we opened last night. If you were wondering, this is the "project" we've been working on for the past two months. :-)

http://nyustyles.blogspot.com/

Friday, August 17, 2012 @ 10:56 PM

This year will be the year to prove myself, to prove that I am worthy of accomplishments that I've only dreamt of. I'm going to focus and invest the time I've been given to better myself; to enhance my capabilities. No relationships, no bull shit. Just by myself for the sake of my future.

@ 2:05 AM

The feeling of love and every emotion associated with it feels long gone and so.. so distant. It feels like I've never been in contact with the existence of love. I feel unaware. Love seems like a fairy tale at this point in time, like a story that happened in a far away place, a long time ago. When I look at myself, I see a girl that has never deeply loved and has never been loved.

Missing Piece - David Choi
@ 1:47 AM

@ 1:37 AM

I've come across many instances where I wish to give up on achieving any higher than what I already have. Everyday, I'm bombarded by words that cut through my self esteem, words that burn away any hope I've managed to hold on. I'm a huge disappointment, apparently. I'm living a lie, apparently. When you hear something so often and so emphasized, the phrases constantly linger in your mind. Those afflictive words fill your mind and you begin to accept them as truths. You start doubting who you are and how much you're capable of.

The amount of expectations are a heavy weight on my shoulders, I feel as if I'm carrying the entire world. Am I really expected to fulfill all of what's expected from me? Will my efforts even be adequate? Or will I once again disappoint those that look up to me and become a burden on their lives.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012 @ 8:49 PM

Honestly I don't know the exact reason for the inactivity of this blog.. A place where I used to have so much to talk about.

Nothing's on my mind anymore, I guess.

A lot does bother me but I'm not sure if this blog will continue being my escape.

@ 8:06 PM

And just like that, summer's over.

Thursday, August 9, 2012 @ 8:11 PM

Now I realize how stupid it sounds to have said such exaggerated statements during times of desperate wants.

"Letting you go will kill me."

"I'll die without you."

"You're everything I need."

Such love sick statements that are clearly false. They are nothing more than exaggerations to emphasize your desperation. Similar to the word forever, those phrases are misused and overused. Just like nothing will last forever, you won't die when you let them go. Your heart won't stop, your lungs will continue providing plenty of oxygen, and your body won't disintegrate the second you part with them. You won't die. But you'll break. Your heart may shatter into pieces and pieces, your mind may turn chaotic and restless, but you won't die. You'll live through it. I've learned that it's a good thing to break. Lessons are learned best through first hand experiences and after you've fallen the first time, it'll be much easier for you to get up the next time around. You'll live, and survive.

Monday, August 6, 2012 @ 6:56 AM

After encounterig an immense amount of bull shit associated with males and relationships in general, I feel strongly against my sister being in any sort of "intimate" relationship during her highschool career. Some thoughts came to mind as I thought about the beginning of my sister's official teenage phase with her entrance into the ninth grade and as sensitive as she is, I don't think neither her or myself can handle her getting afflicted over a boy who has a long way until he reaches the proper level of maturity. To simplify this idea, what I'm trying to say is that if an immature fuck ass idiotic teenage boy who is filled with bad intentions fucks with my sister's feeble emotions, I plan on doing some violent shit aka chop-his-balls-off-and-feed-them-to-the-dogs type of actions. Stay innocent dear sister. :-)

Saturday, August 4, 2012 @ 8:50 PM

Looking back, the pain I've endured seems short-lived although the course of recovery felt as if I was enclosed within an eternal confinement of anguish. I was imprisoned by my own thoughts and emotions that compelled no optimism on my behalf; I've hit a critical low. No words were able to mend my heart, no satisfying comfort was brought by my surroundings or achievements. Days and months went by with my heart being immovable, resisting to improve the state it was in. Growing recalcitrant and defiant, my heart affected my being as a whole which had tremendous impact on my perspectives and the way I talked and moved. Once again I fell into despair unplanned and unexpected, and once again I sought for an escape when I clearly knew from past experience that no such thing exists. There is none besides time itself.

Time does heal all.

Looking back, love creates blind spots. Love opens a new window of perspective but at times closes off reality and the truths. Looking back, that part of my past is nothing more than a speckle of dust when compared to the life I've lived and will live. When placed on a timeline, this incredibly magnified experience, does not possess enough significance for a single mark. This experience filled with emotions of love and misery will surely be remembered whether or not it will remain vivid or vague. Looking back, almost all that I have faced within this brief course of time was ephemeral. And looking back, I've realized that I would have never realized this process of thought if it weren't for these detrimental endeavors.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012 @ 6:57 AM

I cannot remember why I named my blog "obnoxious opinions". I've never payed much attention to the name during the 3~4 years I've been posting but tonight (or should I say early morning) I feel inclined to discover why or how I named this.