@ 8:55 PM

I get jealous at just about everything and everyone who’s better than me. I know that’s bad, but I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough. I know that even when I try my best, I’ll never be the best.

via: http://ifeelabsolutelyhopeless.tumblr.com/

Labels: Where I basically talk to myself.

Learning to Breathe
@ 8:34 PM

Hello, good morning, how ya do? What makes your rising sun so new? I could use a fresh beginning too, all of my regrets are nothing new.

So this is the way that I say that I need you. This is the way.

That I'm learning to breathe, I'm learning to crawl, I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall. I'm living again, awake and alive. I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies.

Hello, good morning, how ya been? Yesterday left my head kicked in. I never thought I could fall like that, never knew that I could hurt this bad.

So this is the way that I say that I need you. This is the way that I say I love you. This is the way that I say I'm yours. This is the way.

By Switchfoot

Labels: song

@ 7:29 PM

It's unhealthy to feel this empty/alone.

@ 5:14 PM

@ 5:11 PM

@ 5:10 PM

@ 5:10 PM

@ 5:04 PM

@ 5:02 PM

@ 5:00 PM

@ 4:59 PM

We all have problems we simply wish would disappear. Situations we want to run far away from and never look back. It's only when we're tested that we discover who we really are. How strong or weak we are. How much we're willing to sacrifice or hold onto. It's only until we look back and realize how we decided to handle the situation that we're either happy, or full of regret.

@ 4:55 PM

@ 4:54 PM

@ 4:52 PM

@ 4:52 PM

@ 4:51 PM

Your biggest challenge isn’t someone else. It’s the ache in your lungs and the burning in your legs, and the voice inside you that yells ‘can’t’. But you don’t listen, you just push harder. And then you hear the voice whisper ‘can’, and you discover that the person you thought you were is no match for the one you really are.

@ 4:49 PM

WHY HAS THIS FEELING COME BACK.
@ 4:46 PM

I was doing quite fine, before.

Monday, November 29, 2010 @ 7:32 PM

@ 7:32 PM

@ 7:31 PM

I want someone who will never leave me; no matter how hard it is to be with me.

@ 7:30 PM



^ So, I was in love for 2 years and didn't even know it?

@ 7:30 PM

@ 7:30 PM

@ 7:30 PM

Fact
@ 7:29 PM

I never feel good about myself.

@ 7:28 PM

You're slipping away
@ 7:25 PM

I should do something. I need to fix this. I need to get you back. I need to make this work. I don't want to lose you as a friend.

No.

It's always me. I'm always the one that has to fix things. I'm the one who has to try. I have to do everything. Well it isn't going to be like that this time.

If you're not going to try, then it's good bye to you. I'm too tired to hold on to someone that isn't willing to be my friend. I quit trying to make plans with you, talk to you and spend time with you. I quit.

You treat me differently. It's fact, we aren't as close anymore.

"You move on too fast."
@ 7:25 PM

I never looked at moving on as a bad thing. What’s so wrong about wanting to be happy and move on with life? Dwelling on the past isn’t gonna solve a thing.

I need to get my act together
@ 7:19 PM

STOP PROCRASTINATING/DAY-DREAMING/WASTING TIME

Sunday, November 28, 2010 @ 8:56 PM

"I love how everyone logs off on me on Facebook."

_______ is now offline.

FOREVER ALONE

Labels: Dammit

One of the worst feelings
@ 8:49 PM

Is when you realize that you aren't as important as you thought you were. When you realize you're one out of the many choices and not someone that is definitely needed. When you're just an option, not a priority. You feel easily replaceable and worthless.

@ 6:39 PM



^ Light drawings look cool, yes?

@ 6:37 PM

"You can never forget the person you tried so hard for."

@ 6:35 PM

Alright then.
I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this at all. It's been like this every month. I gotta get my shit together. Looking at couples all the time makes me sick. I envy everyone of them. I was one of the girls that other girls would envy because of my long-term relationship. Always laughing. Always making each other happy. Fighting. Thats one thing I miss the most, fighting. It always showed how much you cared when it came down to one of us leaving, we'd always turn out and say our "I love you"'s and "I'm sorry"'s. Something I'd give anything for. Why am I so hooked on you? Because you were you, and that was all I ever wanted in a person, and I thought I could sit here and say that I'd get over you one day. I always try to push those feelings aside, but everybody knows they're always going to be there. I've always tried to avoid talking to you, everytime I see you on. It's always so tempting. I always want to just make myself better by talking to you. I always just want to tell you my feelings, in hopes of making some of those stupid feelings go away.

(via lynnnnnie)

Don't try so hard to impress
@ 6:02 PM

Because honestly, who's going to remember you in 10 years?

@ 6:02 PM


^ So true.

@ 5:51 PM

Black Friday
Friday, November 26, 2010 @ 9:54 PM

Spent 6 hours at the mall today, man what a work out. I bought so much clothes. I don't need to go shopping for another 5 years.. But I probably will go again soon anyways. Ugh.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 @ 10:19 AM

How would I describe myself?
@ 10:07 AM

I'm selfish but generous at the same time. It's pretty odd. I think differently than others, which makes me weird. I hurt people that I don't care about like it's nothing but it'll kill me to hurt the ones that I care about. I don't have a favorite anything. I don't have a favorite color, favorite music genre, favorite book, favorite food, or a favorite person. I'm very sensitive so I try my best to hide it. I hide a lot of things. My self-esteem has hit rock bottom and it hasn't recovered yet. I don't think it ever will. I gave and gave, expecting people to do the same for me, but they only let me down. So I've learned to treat people the way they treat me. I learn from my mistakes. I'm careless. I over analyze too much. A lot of things bother and annoy me. I'm emotional. The littlest things tick me off and I'll blow up. I exaggerate things. I'm a big scaredy cat. I don't have any talents. I'm not serious at all. The only time I'm serious is when I'm on the computer or when I'm writing in my blog. I like simple people. I love art and creating stuff. I love helping people, but I'm lazy. I dislike it when people try too hard so it seems fake, but it intimidates me when people are too real. I prefer serious and witty people over immature people. I love meeting people that are the complete opposite of me.

Basically, I'm very complicated.

I admit that I'm weird, lame, and retarded. I'm not intelligent, pretty or funny. I'm not the best person in the world.

You aren't my type..
Tuesday, November 23, 2010 @ 9:08 PM

No one is my type. Well, it's hard for me to like someone. I find something I don't like about everyone. That one little flaw ruins the whole person for me.

Why do people call life short?
@ 9:02 PM

Life is the longest thing you'll ever do. What is longer than life?

@ 3:24 PM

@ 12:42 PM


^ LOL

Labels: Plastic surgery

@ 12:35 PM



thenakedcollegestudent: North Korea just attacked South Korea, followed by a response attack by South Korea.

US, China, and Russia have all taken notice and issued responses. China is a North Korean ally and the US and Russia are South Korean allies. If China steps up in defense of North Korea, shits about to get heavy.

Woooo, WWIII and nuclear holocaust here we come.

drift-boy: im not korean, but this is wrong…i just hope my fellow chinese ppl will know the right decisions on who to help or not…

UM, I hope your Chinese people are smart enough to make the right decision too.

There is no such thing as perfection.
@ 8:31 AM

No one is perfect because everyone has room for improvement. Perfection is unreal and it's humanely impossible.

Sometimes we look at people and think that they are flawless and their life is perfect. It's okay to want to have something that someone else possesses and sometimes we do it without noticing. It's a natural human characteristic and we must ensure that it doesn't get out of hand.

Let's say that you switched lives with the person you think that has the perfect life. You'll probably be able to pinpoint their flaws almost immediately. Everyone finds flaws within themselves and we all wish to become flawless. No matter who you are, you'll always want to be better. Just face it, no one is perfect.

You should never compare yourself to others and want to become just like them, because well, that just won't happen. You'll never actually be that person. You're you, they're them. So don't be hard on yourself because you'll never be able to be as 'perfect' as them. Why not be your own individual and be happy with what you've got?

Perfection is when everything is in it's place and correct. Seeking for perfection is a beautiful journey and knowing that it can never be reached is even better. Because once it is reached, there is nothing there. No learning, no searching, no excitement. I think that people live to improve. People live to change, people live to accomplish and create. Once perfection is reached, there is nothing to do, because everything will be complete.

We should be focused in personal development without comparing ourselves to others. Although you might have times where you feel like you're going nowhere, you need to realize that everyone lacks control of their life. Everyone gets stressed out and we all get irritated. Be happy with your imperfections and think about how much you've accomplished.

@ 12:15 AM

:| = My content face.

I am content with my life. :|

Sunday, November 21, 2010 @ 1:27 AM

Everyday my jealousy grows and my self-confidence decreases.

Saturday, November 20, 2010 @ 7:43 PM

Looking through old files, found this.
@ 7:28 PM

I wrote this when I was 12. This was to one guy I really didn't like. I tried to break up with him the nicest way possible. Heheh. It was either this or "I'm moving to Africa so we can't be together anymore."

____, when you asked me out, I really didn't know what to say. So I just said yes. But I guess I shouldn't have because it was a mistake. That one answer has wasted our time, and now, it's hurting you. So I'm very sorry for my foolish decision. At first, I thought we were meant to be, but then I started to notice some things that I didn't like about you. I should have ended the relationship then; before it was too late, but I carried on because I kept telling myself that I could love you. I kept trying and trying, but something just wasn't right. As time passed, I felt less attracted to you. I slowly began to lose the feeling that I once had in the beginning. I've noticed that our personalities don't really fit together. And I found out that I really didn't love you. I want to end this before it gets any farther. I don't want to waste your time anymore. And I certainly don't want to keep lying. Yes, I've been lying about my feelings this whole time. No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just me. I could never be honest, but for once, I'm telling you the truth. ____, I love you but- there's something in our relationship that just isn't right. And to tell you the truth, there's absolutely nothing you can do to change my mind about this, because I've been thinking about this for a long time and I've finally made my decision. I am sure you can find someone that is a hundred times better than me. This might be tough for you right now, but I know you're strong enough to get over it. And I know it's probably not going to happen, but I would like to stay friends. It seems to me that we had more fun with each other when we were friends.

Labels: Lolwut

@ 7:00 PM

Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?

I look at cute couples
Friday, November 19, 2010 @ 12:58 AM

And I just sigh.

Neopets!
@ 12:27 AM

Looking through all my main accounts.. This site = child hood history. You can basically tell how annoying I was back then just by looking at my profile. I started playing this when I was 9~10.

This is embarrassing but I'm going to reveal them anyways.

First account; xx_animequeen_xx
^ I LOVED Anime back then. LOVED.
Second account; rika_shakitako
^ What the hell was I thinking when I came up with that? LOL
Third account; rinn_xx
^ I had secret Anime names.. n_n
Fourth account; vvhoaa
^ Current one. I might start playing again. Omg.

I've lost grip.
Thursday, November 18, 2010 @ 7:22 PM

Everything's starting to become too hard to control. I don't think I can do anything well anymore. I'm so tired, I don't have enough strength to care about anyone as much as I did before. I've lost grip on just about everything and it's a challenge to keep my life balanced.

@ 7:00 PM

Dear anonymous,
This is what my eye liner looks like..

My eyelashes are fucking invisible.

Labels: formspring

LIFE ISN’T ALWAYS ABOUT ME, SO I MUST LEARN HOW TO LOVE OTHERS.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010 @ 4:42 PM

I can’t have a new life, I can only start over.
I can’t erase the past, I can only learn from it.
I don’t know when I’m going to mess up, but I can always avoid getting in trouble.
I don’t know when I’m going to get hurt, that’s why they tell me to watch out.
I don’t know what other people are thinking, so I mind my own business.
I don’t like complication, I keep everything at its simplest.
I don’t always get what I want, that’s when I learn to be satisfied with what I’ve got.
I’m not the smartest person in the world, but it doesn’t hurt me to learn something new.

What I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT
@ 4:36 PM

I want a plane ticket to go to Korea. Or somewhere far, out of this country. I don't know why but I'm dying to get on a plane and fly to somewhere foreign. I love the feeling you get when you step in to the airport with your luggage in one hand and your plane ticket in the other. I love sitting on my ass in a plane for hours and hours just staring outside the window/listening to music/eating crappy airline food. I love it when the plane is about to take off and you get major butterflies. I love it when you get off the plane after a million hours and know that you're in a completely different city. Different environment, different people. I can't explain it but the feeling is amazing. And I want a camera to document it all.

I need to know where we stand.
@ 4:23 PM

I am utterly confused on where we stand. I like to hold a big picture of how things are going. You, on the other hand, don't. You seek momentary truths that fit in with the whole. Your words confuse me, you need to tell me what I should do. What you want. I'll listen to you, so just tell me. Tell me where you think we'll end up at this pace. Tell me what you think is best for the both of us.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010 @ 2:11 AM

Emptiness.
@ 1:46 AM

Lately, I've been feeling like there's a vacant space in my heart that grows as days pass by. Not the empty feeling that someone special can fill, but the empty feeling of carelessness. The need to care about everyone becomes absent and all I feel is simply sheer coldness. I guess I'm just starting to not give a damn.

@ 1:40 AM

5821.) I knew you were different. I knew we were different. Little did I know that would be a terrible thing. You made me feel important, you brought me back to reality and showed me a different kind of person. You told me you loved me. You manipulated me. You made me into the person I told myself I'd never be. You destroyed me emotionally and physically. All I can say is you'll get what's coming to you. And I'm better off now than I ever was with you.

(via blogconfession)

Monday, November 15, 2010 @ 11:38 PM

All of my regrets are nothing new.

I think it's weird how
@ 11:08 PM

Some people look totally fine after a break up. I'm not talking about the pointless, short-term relationships. I'm talking about those I-can't-live-without-them, meaningful, 1 year+ relationships. They don't look sad, they don't talk about it, and they have nothing about it on their Facebook, blog, etc. They look fine; the break up doesn't seem to bother them in the slightest. I don't know if they're hiding their emotions inside or if they just don't feel anything at all. The fact that they look normal and not broken down strikes me as weird because if it were me, I'd probably die. It amazes me that some people can get over someone that quickly and easily.

@ 11:03 PM

5106.) I hate how you say you miss this, I hate how I wish things were better, I hate how you say you want to change it all, I hate how you say you feel bad. Because you don’t. Nothing just “is.” You either give it everything you’ve got, or you don’t. It’s that simple. And you don’t.

(via blogconfession)

I always talk about change.
@ 11:02 PM

I always notice how my friends have changed and how we've grown apart. Today, I noticed that they aren't the only ones that changed. I'm not the person who I used to be. I may have changed for the better or for the worst. This change may be drastic or minor. It's up to me to find out.

@ 11:00 PM


Tehehehe.

@ 10:59 PM

@ 10:47 PM

I want to feel needed.
@ 10:46 PM

So do I stranger, so do I.

Ask awaaaaaaaay~*~*~*

@ 10:45 PM

@ 10:45 PM

November 12, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010 @ 9:36 PM

A.L + M.C ♥
Tehehe.
I adore you.
11/12/10 - 5/12/10 = 6 months!

Labels: I know I'm a bit late

@ 8:31 PM


Mr. Meowkins.

@ 8:30 PM

Amazing.
@ 8:04 PM

What a perfect ending to an almost perfect weekend.

@ 7:35 PM

Thursday, November 11, 2010 @ 9:35 AM

"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving."

If hate needs a reason, doesn't love also need one?

@ 9:34 AM

"You could say there is always a reason why you love someone, you just don't need to be awere about it. If you love someone you love someone, that's final."

I'm going to stick with this for now.

@ 9:30 AM

Labels: the notebook

@ 9:29 AM

@ 9:28 AM

"No, I'm not going to try to explain myself. You're going to think whatever the hell you want anyway, so there's no point in trying to change your mind. You have obviously made up your mind about this. I finally know where I stand."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010 @ 10:29 PM

"I know it must seem frightening, to have the world fall apart under your shoes, trust me, you'll make it through."

@ 7:17 PM

@ 7:16 PM

"Are you who I used to know?"
@ 7:10 PM

People change. That's one out of the million things you cannot control.

He broke your heart?
@ 6:59 PM

So what? What's the big deal? Stop thinking about him. You're just wasting your time. You say he's not worth it, so stop wasting your tears on him. Things happen for a reason. You guys aren't meant for each other, which means there's someone out there for you.

Your hearts broken. It can be healed. Time heals wounds. Stand right back up and show everyone that you're fine. Don't show them that you're weak when you're at your weakest point. Don't show them that you're vulnerable. Don't show them you're broken down. Avoid situations that makes you think about him. "Everything reminds me of you." That's not true, not everything will remind you of him. Don't make people, especially him, feel sorry for you. You've got to be strong.

@ 6:50 PM

@ 6:50 PM

Nothing excites me.
@ 6:42 PM

I'm finally doing good in school and I'm not that happy. No school tomorrow, eh. Party on Saturday, eh. Thanksgiving break is coming up, eh. Christmas, eh. Everything is EH. Nothing ever excites me anymore. No getting hyper, no smiling super big, no more laughing for no reason, no more adrenaline rushes, no nothing.

I apologize for posting pictures over and over again and for my crappy blog posts. I have nothing to write about  because nothing ever seems to bother me. Nothing motivates me. I have no inspiration nor do I care enough.

One thing that scares me:
Tuesday, November 9, 2010 @ 7:26 PM

I don't know what I feel anymore. I don't know what I want. I don't have any goals. Everything is happening so fast, I don't know what to do with myself.

@ 7:25 PM

@ 7:23 PM

@ 7:23 PM

Spent a whole hour
@ 7:21 PM

Thinking about what happened between us. I don't know what, but I felt something. Odd isn't it.

I'm happy.
@ 7:20 PM

When I really shouldn't be. I'm trying not to worry about my problems because if I do, I'll be more depressed than ever. What sucks is that I'm going to have to solve my problems sooner or later.

@ 6:15 PM


WINTER IS HERE.

Monday, November 8, 2010 @ 10:31 PM

I hate this. I hate it so much.

@ 9:30 PM

@ 8:23 PM

We're drifting apart. And we both know it.
And I'm afraid.

@ 7:19 PM

I'm replaceable.

@ 7:09 PM

@ 7:09 PM


You don't destroy the people you love.

@ 7:07 PM

Take care of yourself.
@ 7:06 PM

Believe no one, trust no one, completely. Don't always depend on your peers to solve your problems for you. Don't expect them to tell you the truth all the time, because they won't. They won't always be there for you in your time of need. Like I've mentioned many times before, people weren't born to please you, therefore, they will disappoint you. Don't make your disappointment even greater by trusting everyone. People like to please themselves. They live their life, with or without you.

Rely on yourself. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. Do what makes you happy. Live the way you want to, because in the end, you're the one that matters the most to you. If you aren't going to look after yourself, then who is? No one will solve your problems for you; they have their own to deal with. They can give you advice and help you, but at the end of the day, it's you that has to solve your problems.

Don't give everyone, everything. It's okay to put yourself before everyone else.

@ 6:52 PM

@ 6:52 PM