Another realization
Monday, November 26, 2012 @ 12:49 AM

Momentarily, I inhaled hope and colored a false image of expectations during the brief times we spoke. The hope that was instilled in me could have possibly come from loneliness; for being alone and searching for comfort for so long, and I thought that you were able to give me that and more. Being with you gave me a sense of familiarity and I was instantly hooked since my life was filled with hectic change as soon as you walked out on me. The moments without you were miserable, and, I thought what anyone else would have, which is that if I brought you back, I'd regain my happiness, stability. Little did I know that you would do nothing to change that. My state hardly improved after I've become re-associated with you. The person I looked up to was no longer there. Perhaps I've begun to perceive you differently; with less trust and more doubt, but all of your actions and words felt like bull shit. I noticed the flaws that were always there but were hidden underneath my "blinding love" towards you, and with those unveiled in tiny increments day by day, I began to realize that you are not the perfect one for me. You never were, not one year ago, not now. Beyond the newly discovered irritating characteristics of you, I noticed how you've changed over the course of several months we kept to ourselves. Your tone, your vocabulary, your voice.. Somewhere and somehow, someone influenced you to act and speak like that, someone important enough for you to follow their linguistic styles, humor, and even their way of thinking. I was no longer a piece of you. I wasn't a part of you anymore, and the longer I was away, the more I faded into someone you vaguely recall. We were simply keeping each other company. No one wanted us. My heart wasn't open and although yours may have, no one would accept you like I would, so you missed me. With the days spent together, I've also realized that you haven't changed a bit. You're still the stubborn, dogmatic douche bag that wants to strip away everything that I consider important so I'll be bare and have nothing to hold on to except for you and to satisfy your insecurities (which you need to desperately fix, they'll be the end of you if you don't). You claim that I am wrong, but your words don't affect anyone's thoughts anymore. You made your intentions so obvious. Maybe they were always this obvious (since so many people have told me to leave when we were together) and I was just oblivious and an idiot. Either way, I've chosen my path, and it hurts being this alone again but I know you aren't the best life has in store for me and I'll come to find someone much greater. I've spent enough time dwelling on you. Over two years is enough don't you think? Maybe, just maybe, we'll cross paths again. Hopefully you would've come to your senses by then.