Monday, March 29, 2010 @ 9:31 PM

@ 9:19 PM

@ 8:53 PM

Spring Break
@ 5:16 PM

Hopefully it'll be good this year. I hate staying at home. Home is where I start thinking and right now, thinking is not good. I need to go out, make plans, NOW.

Beach, mall, movies, your house; just take me away from here.

It sucks that Orlando and Eustis have different fucking spring breaks. I can't hang out with most of you. Ugh.

@ 5:02 PM

"I hate when you send a long ass text message and when they reply with like one word and you don't text them back and you see them later and they're like, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TEXT ME BACK!?" What the fuck are you supposed to reply to 'lol'."

Sunday, March 28, 2010 @ 8:59 PM

Forever and always
@ 8:34 PM

Is all bull shit. Sorry to break your little heart but it's the truth.
There's no such thing as forever. 'Always' is total bull shit. It's just a cover up. You will never love anyone, forever. You won't always love them. Nothing is eternal. Everything perishes. Shit moves on. Time changes things. That's just how life is. It'll move on and change no matter how hard you try to keep it still. It won't matter if you die, it'll continue to change. Life is a bitch.

The next time I hear someone say I love you forever and always, I'm going to punch them in the fucking face for being a liar.

@ 8:27 PM

"I hate how you're so sad sometimes and I know you were never like this."

I HATE IT TOO

God, I think I'm going insane
@ 7:47 PM

I'm feeling extremely depressed lately
then happy again
then upset
then happy
then sad
then extremely happy

what the fuck?

Someone help me.
I don't even know why the fuck I'm upset. There's nothing to be sad about.
I think I need a counselor, or whatever.

@ 7:11 PM

I'm listening but there's no sound

Friday, March 26, 2010 @ 9:14 PM

- g u i d o says:
*haha
*yu lil azn.
*dont get sad
- adios myu says:
*you lil cuban.
- g u i d o says:
*its my job to be sad
- adios myu says:
*no it's no one's job to be sad.
*everyone's supposed to be happy.
- g u i d o says:
*supposed
- adios myu says:
*yes, supposed.
*it never happens though. people ruin other peoples' lives.




- g u i d o says:
*yeah
*but
*a person can only punch you so hard
*and you can feel only so much pain
- adios myu says:
*what does that mean
- g u i d o says:
*but after awhile it feels as if it never happened
- adios myu says:
*...
*no it will always stay but you'll get immune to it.

@ 9:01 PM

Reliable?
@ 6:38 PM

I learned that I can't rely on just one person forever. That person will disappear, whether death has taken them or distance, or just the lack of conversation. They will disappear. They either step out of your life or you walk out of theirs.

You can't really trust everyone with everything but yourself. Think about it, you have close friends but can you tell them every single thing about you? Every single thing you've done? Everything you feel? No, you cannot. People are untrustworthy. People are extremely critical. Even if they're your best friends, they will judge you. If they stop liking you as a friend, they will most likely reveal your inner most secrets. They are not to be trusted with secrets that are supposed to be kept. Don't rely on one person your whole life, that person will eventually disappoint you. That's just how life is. That person isn't going to live just so they can satisfy you. They have their own life. What if that person doesn't want you in their life anymore? What if they stop loving you? Will they even like you as a friend? What if everything just stops. Disappears. Ends. What will you do then? You'll feel alone because you've depended on that one single person the whole time. You never learned to depend on others. You need more than just one person to survive.

@ 6:33 PM

Thursday, March 25, 2010 @ 6:57 PM

Raven

so what about u? what's up with u and ur guy situation for right now? u givin it a break or what?

Myung

i'm not sure.

but all of a sudden

everyone's coming to me

talking to me about their problems

and they are ALL

going through the same thing or something similar as you.

heart broken.

feeling unloved.

etc.

and i don't know what to say or do anymore. like i want to help every ONE of them. i really do. but i don't think i have the ability to do that.

6:56pmRaven

well...i'm sorry that they come to u with all their problems. but i think that ur doing a pretty good job with helping.

nd idk maybe it's like some kind of disease that's being spread around, like world wide.

or something.

6:57pmMyung

yes i think so too.

6:58pmRaven

well i'm glad that u could help me.

i feel way better after talking to you bout it.

we should do this more often.

6:59pmMyung

i'll always be here for you.

@ 6:20 PM

His best days are some of my worst.
He finally met a girl that's gonna put him first.
While I'm wide awake he has no trouble sleeping.

@ 5:18 PM

I am weak, I am tired. My pages are running out. I push myself away. I'm jealous. I'm never good enough. I will most likely push you away as well. I'm full of mistakes. I'm insecure. Bipolar. A total wreck.

@ 4:44 PM

Feeling Un-loved.
@ 4:39 PM

Basically the same thing as heart broken.

I know it's hard finding someone you like. I know it's hard looking for someone that will like you back.

Me and you both want someone that will always be there for us. Someone that will listen. Someone that will accept our flaws and mistakes. Someone that will love everything about us.

It's extremely difficult to find someone like that.

Just know that in time, someone will come into your life. You'll be completely unaware of who that person is until they decide that they want to become a special part of it.

Don't lose hope.
There are 6,000,000,000+ mother fucking people on this Earth and we're bound to find that ONE special person some day. We just have to wait. We can't rush it. :/ I know it's hard waiting, wanting to hold on to someone desperately. But we have no choice. So for the time being, be happy with the ones that love you. Live life without wasting a single second. Be happy, because there's no reason for you to cry about something that will happen soon. :)

@ 4:38 PM

Wednesday, March 24, 2010 @ 10:32 PM

- αмy ℓ. ♪` ♥ says:
*ily
*remember youre a good person.
*Goodnight & dont sleep late baaabe.

Thank you. I needed that.

GOD DAMN IT BOYS
@ 8:49 PM

What the fuck is your problem? GOD. GODDDDDD. You guys fucking piss me the fuck off. This post isn't about every single boy out there. This post is about the boys that are insecure and disrespectful.

First of all, why the FUCK do you think your girl friend would cheat on you? Us, girls, would never lie to you. We're more grown up then most of you guys. We think more. We'll think about the consequences. Plus, we love you more than anything and love you and only you. If we said that, you need to FUCKING BELIEVE IT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. There's no other way to prove it than by saying it. If you can't believe us, then fuck you. No trust, no fucking love, bitch.
WE ARE NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU. The liars would be YOU. Girls barely cheat. They're the fucking faithful ones. JUST BELIEVE US. GOD.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU. CHILL THE FUCK OUT. We love you. We only love you. Stop being so god damn mother fucking insecure. You guys are the only one in our lives. You guys are our EVERYTHING, even though you guys might have other girls in yours. We are not YOU. We think differently. Understand that, please.

You guys are probably the ones that fucking lie. The ones that have feelings for other girls. That's probably the reason why you guys are so damn insecure. Cause you think we are going to do the same thing. HELL NO. WE'RE NOT YOU. We should be the ones that are insecure here.

Second of all, you guys need to watch your god damn mouth. We're not some animal that you can fucking say whatever you want to. You can't treat us like some piece of worthless shit. We have feelings, just like you, maybe more sensitive. PLUS, we're your girlfriend. We should be treated with care and respect. We don't need your fucking attitude. YOU NEED TO BE KIND. You can't be going around calling your girlfriend a stupid fucking bitch or stupid piece of shit. We won't tolerate that bull fucking shit.

Want to keep us, fucking respect us. We'll kindly do the same.
Don't fucking lie to us, ever.
Don't fucking cheat.

@ 6:38 PM

14938.) I blame myself for what happened. You hurt me, but I don’t blame you at all. In fact, I feel I can never give my heart away again because it is going to be my fault for having it broken.

14971.) No matter what I do, I always end up thinking about us.
@ 6:31 PM

You hurt me so much. I’d never want to be with you again, but I can never fully move on. You were my first love, and I’ll always love you, no matter how much I try not to. I wish I could love my boyfriend half as much as I used to love you, but you still have a hold of my heart. Please let it go.

14975.) I miss seeing your name lighting up whenever you talk to me on MSN.
@ 6:24 PM

You don’t start conversations with me anymore.

And I’m too scared to start one.

14981.) i know you got with her yesterday, one week after we broke up. i desperately want to die.
@ 6:22 PM

15055.) I CANNOT STAND how much I want you to be the one, but you can’t be.
@ 6:10 PM

Because of her. And because as nice and amazingly real you are, youre still shallow when it comes to looks, and let’s face it. She’s prettier than me. I wish one day, when were both ready and Im prettier that this could happen.

15141.) even though i was the one who broke up with you, honestly, i am still in love you and i didn’t really want this to happen.
@ 6:01 PM

all i wanted was to make the right choice and do whats best for me. but i think, i chose the wrong choice. and now i dont have you anymore because, you’ve moved on already…

@ 6:00 PM

I know it’s stupid to delete you off myspace, facebook, etc, but fuck, you’re really hurting me. I don’t want to think of you anymore.

@ 5:42 PM

I know I’m not the nicest person in the world. You don’t have to tell me. But at least I’m not hiding who I really am, like you.

UNLIKE YOU
@ 5:17 PM

I DON'T NEED A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND TO BE HAPPY

@ 5:10 PM

You tell me you have changed and that you love me.
@ 5:06 PM

and I believed you.

"I just want to know you’ll be there."
@ 5:06 PM

I want to know that the ‘I love you’s’ we tell each other are true.

I want to know that the love we share is meaningful.

I want to know that the feelings we give each other are real.

I want to know that the smiles we show are genuine.

That the happiness we send each other is because we’re happy.

That when you say ‘forever’ I can believe it in your voice, even if it’s just for a while.

That when you tell me, “I’m the only one for you” that you mean it for the time being.

That when you say, “I love you,” I can feel it.

That when we fear it’s over, we fight for what’s left.

That when one of us is negative (sad, etc) we will make the other positive (happy, etc.)

That when you let me know that you miss me, you think about me even when we’re not talking on the phone or texting.

I want to know when you say, “You’re important to me” that you feel special saying it.

I want to forgive you without regret.

I want to cry with tears of joy not tears of sorrow.

I want to believe that there is a guy out there for me and that the guy could be you.

@ 5:05 PM

@ 5:04 PM

@ 5:03 PM

@ 5:02 PM

L O V E < 3
Tuesday, March 23, 2010 @ 6:35 PM

Dear Myung,
You are a sunshine. You can make anyone's, including mine, day better. Your, funny, cute, and smart. Not to mention you're Asian!

Monday, March 22, 2010 @ 5:44 PM

@ 4:50 PM

http://www.whoisthecutest.com/


You guys are.

- Tian ◕‿◕ says:
*no u
*: [
- adios myu says:
*YOU.
- Tian ◕‿◕ says:
*u moar
- adios myu says:
*noyou
- Tian ◕‿◕ says:
*MYU
*I DONT KNOW
*WHAT YOURE FUCKING TRYING TO DO
*MOTHERFUCKER
*BUT YOURE CUTEST
*SO FUCK YOU
*<3

@ 12:38 AM






LOL, this always happens to me.

Hehehe
Sunday, March 21, 2010 @ 11:58 PM

Y'all made my day.

The heart-broken
@ 9:01 PM

So many heart broken people. Most of the people I talk to now are all heart broken because of SOME REASON. Half of them have something to do with someone lying. Lies are the cause of all this, I guess.

It's pretty fucking depressing. I have no problem listening to everyone's problems. I love discussing them and knowing what's up in their life.

What happened to the fucking world where everyone used to love each other, seriously. Where did it go? What happened to all the god damn love. What happened to all the truth. Why are there so much lies these days? What is the point in lying when the truth is going to be revealed some day? Why are people so fucked up?

Every time I see someone like this, all broken and tore up, I want to help them. I want to make their day, I want to make them happy. I want to give them enough happiness to get over what they're going through. I don't like seeing people go through this because I know how it feels. Maybe not as bad as what I went through, or maybe theirs is worse. Either way, I know what they're going through and I just want to HELP THEM. I want to help them get through this. I want to give them hope that they can fucking live without THAT person. I hate seeing people cry. I hate when people I care about are upset. I hate that I can't do anything about it. All I can do is just sit here and give them words of hope. Talk to them, comfort them. That's all I can do. The rest is up to them. It's their job to get over it. The only way they can get through this is if they try to overcome this shit.

@ 3:41 PM

The "Perfect" Boyfriend.
@ 3:02 PM

"He would scream, "I love you!" down the falls, not caring who heard him. He'd go on a walk with me in 40 degree weather. Hot cocoa in one hand, my hand in his other. He'd sing out loud to any song. Even if I call him retarded. He let's me sing out loud, and won't call me weird. He'll sit outside with me on my front step because there's nothing to do and won't say he's bored, once. He'll let me look like crap, wearing a big t-shirt and shorts and still call me beautiful. He'd write me thousands of notes everyday at school. He'd come to my house at nine in the morning to wake me up on the weekends. He'll take me to the park and push me on the swings. He won't be shy around my family. But act like he's part of it. He'll argue with my friends that he loves me more. He'll keep every single promise he makes. He'd run up and hug me whenever he sees me. He won't be scared to dance in front of me or act retarded. He'll spend my birthday with me and my crazy family. He'd rent all the chick flicks he knows of and watch them with me when I'm inside sick. He picks his friends over me sometimes. He'll remember our anniversaries before I do. He'll call me at night right before I go to bed just so he knows he's the last voice I hear. He'd push my hair away when it's in my face. He'll carry my books at school, even if he already has two to carry on his own. He wears my favorite shirt of his every Monday. A boy who won't ask me what's wrong when I look sad. He'll just kiss me on the forehead. He'll give me his sweatshirt even if he's freezing and he won't make me feel guilty about it. He'd never get jealous, because he knows I love him more than anything and when he says forever, he means it. No matter what. <\3"

The worst feelings in life:
@ 2:55 PM

- Being told that someone is better than you.
- Knowing that you're being lied to.
- Letting yourself be beat down.
- Crying hard.
- Losing someone close.
- Watching yourself fade away.
- Falling apart because you're alone.
- Being alone because you're falling apart.
- Hating yourself.
- Not being good enough.
- Being told that she's prettier and much better than you will ever be.
- Being mad at someone because you're mad at yourself.
- Best friends falling apart.
- Being told that you're fat.
- Breaking up.
- Falling out of love.
- Being insecure and paranoid.
- Unable to trust someone you love.
- Unable to love someone because you cannot trust them.
- Being used.
- Being made fun of.
- Changing for someone else.
- Realizing that he doesn't love you.
- Falling asleep alone when you know he should be next to you.

@ 8:58 AM

"You get used to having nothing to do at night. You don’t expect to turn around to open arms any longer. The small sounds of him have been replaced by silence. All in all, being alone isn’t terrible, it just hurts like hell…"

It's going to be fine.

Saturday, March 20, 2010 @ 10:17 PM

My loves
Friday, March 19, 2010 @ 7:06 PM

Savannah
That "girl-to-girl" conversation was amazing. LOL I feel so close with you now, no homo. I finally feel like you're my true best friend. Opening up was an excellent idea. I never knew you went through so much shit, I always thought you had an easy life. No worries, no nothing. Maybe because you learn that there's no point in crying over shit and it's better to just get the fuck over it. I learned a lot from you. You understood what I was going through and I thought no one ever would. At least not at our age. I love you, best friend. :)

Tabitha
You're basically my bestest friend. Best friend forever. You top everyone. I've basically known you since birth and you've made me who I am today, LOL. I was so different (in a bad way) before I met you and you've changed me. We barely have any time to talk since you always seem to be so busy with your life outside of the computer and because we live so far away from each other. But I can tell you a lot of things and get so much out of you during the short amount of time we have to discuss things. You don't understand how I feel most of the time since you've never been through it but you give honest answers and you always tell me the right thing to do. You're nice and kind. You're honest. That's what I love about you, you're innocent. You've never done anything extremely bad and your heart's pure. I'm so glad I have a friend like you.

Mina
I have many wonderful memories with you. I get along with you pretty well and you're the most comfortable person to talk to. You're fun to hang out with and unlike most people, you're nice.

Raven
We don't talk much at school but I'm glad we're catching up on Face book, haha. I've known you since fifth grade and I'm surprised we're still friends. I can talk to you about pretty much anything. I'm sorry if I rant to you a lot, I try not to talk too much but sometimes it gets out of hand. Tell me if it gets annoying, LOL. We're pretty much the same person based on how we think and how we look at things. We're so similar, and I love that.

Guido
Two years, and still going. I'm surprised we're still pretty good friends after all those long breaks we took from talking to each other. I don't get why you think the relationship between us changed because I don't feel any differences. I apologize for those times I pushed you away. I just didn't need anyone else at that time. I thought I needed him and only him to make me happy. Turns out I was wrong, big time. I noticed that you talk to me less now. Maybe it's because you want me to experience what you went through? I don't know. I'm sorry. You've done SO MUCH FOR ME, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUSHED YOU AWAY. Remember that one time? You said, "I understand, you're going to be serious now. No more joking around." I only felt like that because I was obviously not in the mood to joke around. I miss your jokes. You always made me laugh. You were always so interesting to talk to. You kept the conversation going for hours. I miss it. I promise you, I'm never going to push you away again. I can't believe I forgot to thank you for that wonderful Valentine's day gift you sent me. Seriously, I'm such a horrible friend. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much, Guido. You sent me so much candy. :) It helped me feel better when I was down. Whenever I felt depressed I always ate the candy you sent me..I finished it in like a week, LOL. It was like my happy-medicine.

Eric
I think you're everyone's best friend. You're extremely kind and I love your sense of humor. It makes my day sometimes. You always make me smile when I'm with you. You just have this special 'thing' that makes everyone happy. You make everyone want to talk to you. You attract people, haha. I've never seen you sad or upset, yet, which is a good thing. But when you have problems, just know I'll always be here for you. I'll always listen and give you advice. You care about me, and it's only fair that I care for you. I've been thinking about me rating you a 5, unlike everyone else who rated you a 10, which is perfect. I rated you a 5 not because you were a bad person or had a bad personality. I rated 5 because you can improve. You're fine the way you are right now but it doesn't hurt to have some room to improve, haha. Everyone can improve. I don't think anyone is a perfect 10. (:

Bryan
We met in the weirdest way ever. I think we met through a random msn chat with random people, I don't fucking know. Or maybe Jordan introduced us. I never thought that I would end up becoming best friends with you. LOL at first I was always trying to look best in front of you because that time you looked flawless to me. Me and Lynzee were obsessing over you. Well actually I don't know about her, but I was. Then I got to know you and I saw your flaws. Not physical flaws, I'm talking personality wise. And no, that's not a bad thing. We eventually became really close to each other. You're the funniest person ever. We're so obnoxious together but I love it! We have similar hobbies, making fun of people, being rude on the e-netz, because who gives a fuck? <3Your humor. Bitches for life? LMAO.

Monica
You probably think I'm retarded right now, LOL. I'm the stupidest person in the world to you because I'm so god damn slow. I met you almost three years ago and we've been best friends ever since. I go to you for advice, even if it gets annoying because you always tell me the truth, no matter how mean it sounds. Sometimes to be honest I don't want to believe it. But you're always right in the end, so maybe I should start believing you from now on. :)

Alex
Best 'mom' ever. You care about me, you love me. You give me advice, you make me feel better about everything. You tell me things based on your own experience. I can talk and talk and talk to you without feeling bored. I can rant to you for hours. Sometimes I think of you as my real mom because of the things you do for me. LOL<3

Keith
We can start all over. Best friends again. I miss the memories we shared, it was hard giving up someone as great as you. I guess I needed some time away from you because of the things you've done to me. I apologize for those hurtful things I said before. I was just angry with you. It surprised me that you would say something like that to me. I underestimated you. I missed you best friend.

&Everyone that makes me happy and laugh.

Down-to-Earth
@ 5:52 PM

I think I would actually love people with a down-to-earth personality.
They're realistic.

"It is opposite of having one's head in the clouds. Down to earth means one lives a reasonable, sensible and usually logical life versus one full of imaginative thoughts and hopeless dreams."

- myu says:
*now that i think about it, i would like people like that too
*cause 'i love you forever and always' is obviously a lie, but people say it all the time to show that they love someone THAT much for that time being.
- Tian says:
*ay
*if ur too clingy
*you wear them out
*i could write endless poems and love letters
*but it would get tiring
*and then nothing i would do would be as great anymore
- myu says:
*YEAH exactly
*'i love you so much' would feel so gr8 to the other people when you say it the first few times
*then it just gets kinda eh
*and they expect something greater
- Tian says:
*;_;
*those relationshipz r bad
*I CAN RELATE T_T

My point is that people shouldn't say things like "I want to be with you forever and ever." Or "I love you so much. I love you more than anything or anyone."
Because it's all bull shit in the end. It's all lies. It's not REAL.


Sorry Tian for posting our convo without warning you, LOL.

Wonderful Music
@ 5:39 PM

If You Wanted A Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask.



I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About - Mayday Parade

Why don't you believe me?
@ 4:37 PM

For the last time guys.
I AM FINE. I AM HAPPY.
This is not a front. I really am happy. I haven't been this happy in awhile.

Yes, my heart does feel a bit heavy. Sometimes my heart feels like it's sinking down. I don't feel like eating because my throat feels like it's getting choked. I feel uncomfortable. Even when I'm not thinking about anything I feel this way. Is this going to stay forever? No, but it's probably going to stay for a pretty long time. I rarely feel like crying. Actually, I never feel like I'm going to cry. I am not going to break down. I am not sad. I'm fine.

I find no reason to be upset with this situation. I'm just glad that I got everything over with. What I really thought it was turned out to be lies. Nothing. I'm glad I don't have to listen to his bull shit and drown in his lies. I'm glad I don't have to be paranoid every second of the day. I'm glad I don't have to worry about fucking up and ruining everything. I feel free; I can talk to whoever, wear whatever, do whatever. Basically I got my own life back.

Stop thinking that I'm only saying this to make myself sound like I'm strong. I really AM happy.

I've cried in the past about this but the situation back then was completely different than what's happening now. I discovered that it's better to just move on. It's not worth it. Everything was fake. I got tricked. I fell for everything, god I'm so gullible. I feel so idiotic for holding on and believing in such bull shit.

Whatever, all truths have been revealed and I am happier than ever. I could care less about the past and what's currently going on in his life. I am trying to live my own life and it's just too much for me to handle to care about someone from the past. No, I am not being selfish. I barely have any strength to get my life back on track. At this rate I might not ever return back to normal. I don't think I can help someone else right now when I have my own problems to deal with. And especially when that someone has done so much shit to me.

I have no regrets,
I take this as just a part of my experience.
I learned to stop falling for such bull shit. Shit that seems too good to be real.

I knew that someone like me would never be able to fall in such wonderful love.
I knew that there had to be something weird about it.
I knew that there was always something hidden behind the words he spoke.
I knew that he was lying to keep me.
But I didn't want to believe it.

Huge mistake. I should have just accepted the cold, hard truth.

I'm happy because there's no point in crying over something that's already been done. This isn't worth crying over. It's not worth bringing myself down and upset when there's nothing I can do, or even want to do. So I decided I might as well be happy than be depressed for the time being.

Thursday, March 18, 2010 @ 11:00 PM

@ 9:35 PM

Breakeven
@ 6:43 PM

Michelle!
@ 5:53 PM

We never talk but, OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU. We can talk for a long ass time even if we barely know each other. Our conversation seems to be endless. I don't know but there's something about you. I like you, and I don't usually like a lot of people. We have a lot of similarities, I think. We can relate. You understand me, holy shit and that's the greatest feeling EVER. :) ♥

Let's talk more.

Fuck you
@ 5:53 PM

You worthless piece of shit.
You lying bastard.

Alex.
@ 7:39 AM

First of all, you know you can always talk to me. On the phone, msn, whatever. I'll always be here and I'll stop ranting to you because you've obviously got your own problems. I understand how you feel. You feel lonely especially because it's spring break. I don't want spring break to come either. Maybe you should go out more? Hang out with friends, maybe that will get your mind off things.
"And I guess slowly, I’m not going to mind or care. After a while, I truly will forget. And it’ll be like any normal day."
Alex, that probably won't happen. Everyone wants it to be true but it isn't and we all know it. :/ It fucking sucks doesn't it.

Don't go on Audition if all you see are couples, you don't need that shit right now honestly. You don't see me going on hehe.

I feel the need to go to school a lot these days. Because there are people that make me happy there, people that distract me from whatever shit I'm going through. People that care about me. They make me laugh and make me forget shit for the time being. I feel like I never want to stay home anymore. Home is where I get depressed. Where it's quiet and then I start to think. I hate thinking. There's no one to talk to besides on msn or on the phone. There's no one that really understands how I feel besides a few people, like you.

You're not over reacting. I'm the one that's probably over reacting here. And I don't blame you for thinking negatively, everyone does that. Everyone imagines the worst possible outcome. Yes, I told you that you were lucky because he'll probably always go back to you. You guys have been dating for over 2 years, I'm sure this isn't the first time you guys 'broke up'. At least you have some hope that he will come back to you. You're incredibly lucky and I envy you just a little bit. 'Always and forever' doesn't exist. Shit's all mother fuckin' lies. I'm sorry I didn't know that before. I highly doubt that this time will be your last with him. So stop worrying, at least nothing happened yet. :/

You're lucky that the only time you want to cry is when you're blogging. Seriously.

I don't fucking want summer either. I'm going to go out as much as I can to get my mind off shit but I know it won't be enough to make me actually forget about it 24/7. I know that at least for a MINUTE, I'll start thinking about it and maybe start crying. I don't fucking know.

ALEX, YOU'RE STRONG. You won't break down, you'll be fine. In fact, you'll be better than just fine. You'll be happy. Try not to think so negatively about everything. Try to think positive. I know it's hard but you just have to try.

YOU BETTER NOT END YOUR LIFE, WTF. I don't know if you're doing all this because of some STUPID FUCKING BOY, but I'm going to tell you right now, it's not fucking worth it. A BOY shouldn't control your life like this Alex. GET UP AND STAND STRONG GIRL.
I promise you, there's a lot more happiness coming to you in the future and if you end your life now, you'll miss out on a whole lot of shit. Good shit. You have a reason to live unlike some of the people that commit suicide. There are SO MANY people that care about you. They love you so much. You just need to accept their love and realize their love is greater than some boy's.

No, it wasn't stupid of you to text him. At least you didn't call him and get your heart literally shattered. You probably texted him wanting some kind of hope that you guys will last. That this won't be the end. You just wanted to hear something, anything, that will make you certain that your relationship WON'T END, forever. Same shit happened to me, but the only difference is that my situation was really THE end. Yours probably isn't.

I don't know if you think about, 'who he's talking to, which girl he's flirting with, who's the new lucky girl he might have fell in love with, what he's doing now, where he's at, what he's thinking about, what would he say in a certain situation, what did he eat, when did he sleep, how does he feel, what time did he wake up, how would he laugh, if he's having fun even without me, does he even care, is he happy with the way this is going, how does he feel about me, and most importantly, is he going through the same shit I'm going through.'

If you do think about all that shit, I think what we need to do is just STOP THINKING. It's impossible but you just have to believe in yourself. People just trick themselves into thinking that they're not thinking at all. :)

We have to start loving life again.
Love everyone and everything.

@ 7:37 AM

Today
Wednesday, March 17, 2010 @ 11:45 PM

I met someone very interesting.
Someone that I can actually speak my mind to without feeling so awkward.
I didn't know that person had such a side to them.
I feel much more comfortable with them now.
Those few hours of talking and crying got us so much closer.
I think I now know what a true best friend is.

Someone you can just go to, and cry and say all you want;
and they'll just hug you and comfort you.

And not think you're weird at all.

They'll understand how you feel even if they've never felt the same way before.
They'll feel your pain.
They will give you words of hope. They will tell you that 'you can do it'.

@ 11:41 PM

@ 11:40 PM

@ 11:32 PM

Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes into the trash. Detention becomes suspension. Mobile phones are used in class. Soda becomes Vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst thing you could get from boys were cooties? Dad's shoulders were the highest place on Earth, and your mom was your hero? Race issues were who ran the fastest. The only drug you knew of was cough medicine. The most pain you felt was when you scraped your knees. Good-byes were only until tomorrow. We couldn't even wait to grow up.

@ 11:31 PM

@ 11:28 PM

@ 11:20 PM

Someone give me this, please.

@ 11:18 PM

If only this was true.
@ 11:15 PM

@ 11:12 PM

LOL
@ 10:43 PM

Why do you tell me after you've given me the totally wrong idea?
Whatever.
It's over anyways.

Good bye
@ 7:31 PM

"IIIIIIII
DONNN'T
NEEEEEED
SOMEONE
LIKE
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I'm slowly getting over you.

We had nothing special going on. What we had wasn't real love.
We're too young to experience something like that. We weren't really in deep love.
Everything is a lie now. Everything is a part of the past. We can't do anything about it. No one cares about what we're going through, not even you. We hurt each other too much. We left too many scars that will never be forgotten or healed.

We lied to each other thinking it was the truth, thinking that some shit like this would actually work out. Everyone was right, we're not meant for each other, we can do better.

I'm sure we both will find the true love of our life one day."

This is one out of the hundred parts of what I've been thinking all day.

I just want you to know that I don't miss you at all.
I don't want to love someone like you anymore.
I just miss what we had.
I really miss what we had.

I loved you so incredibly much.
I loved you more than anything or anyone.
Everything I told you was the truth.
I loved you to death.
I loved you so much and you hurt me.

You say you care but you don't. You really don't.
You contradict yourself all the time.
It's impossible for me to believe anything you say now.

You blame everything on me; when there are so many things you've done wrong too.
You tell me I don't think at all. I think more than you do, sweetie. You don't give me any certain answers and you yell at me for assuming, when that's all I can do.
You don't tell me anything. You don't think.

The past four months have been wonderful. The ending is horrible.

I'm not sad.
I'm just disappointed. You say one thing, and you do another thing that's totally different. You don't understand me at all. You say you do, but you don't. You don't care about how I feel, obviously. If you did you wouldn't do all the things you're doing right now. You never know what you want, you just kinda go with the flow. You're never certain. You do what you want, when you want, and you get mad if you don't get it. You're almost impossible to satisfy. You always want more.

Our relationship wasn't just about us loving each other. It was like a battle ground. We were paranoid all the time. We never felt comfortable, easy. We were always ready to fight, ready to explode with anger. We were too jealous. Way too jealous. We were too over protective. We always fought, and it was like we wanted to purposely hurt each other.
Ex.) "If I can't do this then you can't do that."
"If I can't talk to her/him, then you can't talk to them."

We obviously have much more important people to care about and love in our lives. It's too sad that it has to end this way.

I'm sorry, but you're selfish. You break my heart whenever you want. You're unforgiving. You blame me, sometimes for your own faults. You're never understanding. You always think you're right, when you're not. I always have to lose in our fights because I get lost in your words. You're extremely ignorant.

I never want to speak to you ever again, nor do I want or need to hear what you have to say. Just forget everything we had, I'm sure that will be easy for you, you have so many people that cheer you up. You'll fall in love with another wonderful girl soon, and you'll be happy, I'm sure of it.

Don't shed a single tear, because I'm not going to.

Good bye, I don't love you.

Givin' up
Tuesday, March 16, 2010 @ 7:19 PM

@ 6:07 PM

- myu says:
*a part of me wants him back
*but then i realize
*the same shits gonna happen again.
*and he doesn't even want me.
*so uhh i dont like him anymore.
*i just miss what we had, that's all.

@ 8:21 AM

Monday, March 15, 2010 @ 5:31 PM

@ 5:30 PM

THE SMALLEST THING RUINS MY DAY.

@ 5:28 PM

@ 5:27 PM

@ 5:05 PM

@ 5:00 PM

Tired
@ 4:47 PM

I need a break.
A break from everything.

I want to go into the woods or SOME WHERE QUIET, and peaceful
I just want to sit there and breathe

Not thinking about anything,
empty my mind.
I want to be able to see stars at night without all the god damn city lights blocking the view.

I just want to be free from everything,
I want to feel nothing for once.
Feel nothing but comfort and freedom.

@ 4:45 PM

@ 4:42 PM

Please
don't ever say never..


..and please
don't promise me forever.
All I ask
is that you love me
now.

@ 4:37 PM

@ 4:36 PM

@ 4:30 PM

Regardless of whether you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them… it matters not. Because once they enter you life, whatever you were to the world, they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without even speaking, you know that your own life is consumed by their love. We love them for a million reasons; it is a thing, an indescribable feelings.

– Compiled by Kimberly Kirberger

Words
Sunday, March 14, 2010 @ 11:36 PM

The most selfish 1 letter word: I. Avoid it. The most satisfying 2 letter word: We. Use it. The most poisonous 3 letter word: Ego. Kill it. The most used 4 letter word: Love. Value it. The most pleasing 5 letter word: Smile. Keep it. The fastest spreading 6 letter word: Rumour. Ignore it. The hardest working 7 letter word: Success. Achieve it. The most enviable 8 letter word: Jealousy. Distance it. The most powerful 9 letter word: Knowledge. Acquire it. The most essential 10 letter word: Confidence. Trust it.

Allowance
@ 5:57 PM

My parents decided to give me allowance this year. (Allowance : a share or portion allotted or granted) They never gave a certain amount of money before. They just gave me money when I needed some, which was almost all the time, and it was a shit load of money too. Now I have to buy my own shit with my OWN $$$. Fuck that's gonna take some time getting used to. $15 a week isn't enough for me, seriously.

I know what you're thinking, "God she's slow. I've had allowance ever since I was 7+." Shut the fuck up. LOL.

They never gave me allowance in the past 'cause they thought it would get out of control. They can't even keep track with their own shit so they were too lazy to keep track with mine. My parents were way too busy for 'allowance giving' I guess.

Anyways, now I have to fucking save up to get the things I want, which sucks because I want a shit load of shit all of a sudden. And the shit I want isn't cheap either. Damn it.

1) Purse from Juicy Couture $398.00
15/398 = 26 fucking weeks, I think?
2) Clothes, too many to name.
LOL, fuck my life.

Thank God my favorite stores are pretty cheap though. n_n

You
Saturday, March 13, 2010 @ 1:39 AM

are my happiness.
I want to be with you every second of the day and I could talk to you forever. You accept my mistakes and problems, most of the time, and you love me for who I am. I feel so comfortable with you. You know all my problems and my 'secrets' that I would never tell or show anyone else. You are someone that I can just go to. Someone that I can tell my secrets to. You're that someone who hears, and not just listens. You need me. And most importantly, you love me.

And because you are so important, every little thing you do counts. It matters. I get hurt by the slightest offensive word that comes out of your mouth. Every single action and word you say MATTERS, to me. So when you're mad, think before you speak. Even if you don't mean it or it wasn't intended to offend me, it still hurts. It offends me. One tiny thing you say is like a bomb to me. Just blows me off, it tears me apart. That's just who I am. I get offended too easily and quickly by the things that people I care about say. Because they matter.

Since you know my secrets, problems, and just about everything about me, I trust you to not use them against me. I trust you and that is why I tell you all these things.

Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 8:37 PM

Watching you is the only drug I need,
You're the only one I'm dreaming of

You see, I can be myself now finally,
In fact there's nothing I can't be.
I want the world to see you'll be,
With me.

@ 6:45 PM

@ 4:39 PM