Tuesday, January 10, 2012 @ 9:33 PM

I hate my house.

Being in it. It stirs depressing thoughts and I've no choice but to let it torture me.

School is the only thing that distracts me from thinking. The second I sit on the school bus on the ride home with terrible sad music bursting my ear drums, I start to think of you. The beginning of my own thoughts consuming me whole. I walk into my house through the front door, just like I have done for the past six months. After you deserted me, the routine I've kept up with took an abrupt turn. The one thing that my life revolved around went missing. My world entered chaos, frantically searching for the missing source. My life is in turmoil. Knowing that there is no one to wait for, meaning you, to arrive home, just like how it's been everyday, is probably the worst feeling I've ever felt. Knowing that you're no longer here. I can't help but wait hoping you'd enter through the front door and play your role of the center of my life again. You're the cause of peace in the midst of bedlam.

At the darkest time of the night, I laid in bed. I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nostrils. I catch the same old scent that I cannot describe. Even the scent of my own room aroused the arduous thoughts of you. I fall asleep with you in my thoughts just like every other night. It barely seems like an hour has past and I am suddenly awakened by a dream. You were the main character. The dream consisted of all the things I had wished to do with you and it would've been a good one. If you were here. Now it's just a nightmare. I wake up with high hopes and soon realize it was my mind playing tricks on me. I feel my eyelids start to droop. Wanting to prevent another dreadful nightmare, I put up a good fight, struggling to keep them open. But they feel as if they weigh a ton and my body gives in.

My heart aches. I hate love.