@ 1:57 AM

 I guess it’s affected me more than I ever thought it would.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016 @ 1:50 AM

It probably has always been like this--perceiving my parents this way--I was just a foolish teenager with amplified problems back then. I just wish I could do more. I'm only useless right now. It terrifies me that things will remain this way. I'm just a useless burden.

@ 1:46 AM

Every time you decide to do something for yourself for selfish reasons, think about how your decisions could impact those you care about (mom).

Monday, August 1, 2016 @ 2:22 AM

I don't want to burden anyone else with my "petty" issues, but I wish you still cared to listen.

Are we still friends?

@ 1:38 AM

Lately I've been telling myself often to stop feeling bad for myself. It honestly feels pathetic when I look beyond myself and notice that I'm not in the position to complain about my situation, given that almost everything is going fine.

But why is it that I'm filled with such negative thoughts?

When I'm not distracted and am alone in silence, I feel suffocated and an overwhelming amount of anxiety fills up my heart. It's to the point where my mind starts manipulating aspects of my life and then paranoia kicks in.

This problem lies within me; it's no one else's doing.

I constantly feel.. bad. There isn't any other way to put it.

I don't want to admit that there's something wrong with me, and that's probably why I've continuously trivialized my emotions. At this point though, they're difficult to ignore, but I have nothing to justify my terrible thoughts besides myself.

Monday, April 21, 2014 @ 7:27 AM

It's like you are slowly melting my heart.

It will never be as soft, or as loving and caring as it used to be, and it still hurts me to have met you while I am in this state, but it's getting there.

It's getting there, and you make me feel a sense of hope that I have not felt in years.

You do love me.

Love has been something I've been avoiding for what feels like forever, and even the slightest idea of it will make me tremble in fear. Love has become a figure of threat and ominous peril ever since that terrible incident, and every time anyone from that time forward would bluntly state that they loved me, I would cry. I would cry in disbelief, as I was told I was a person who could never be loved, and I would cry from fear. But with you, it is different.

You haven't given up on me, and it's been almost a year. I'm the most difficult than I ever have been. I have deliberately shut you out, been completely unreasonable, and I have been, for a lack of a better term, a complete bitch at times, yet you put up with me—but why? I've always wondered. I'm nothing special, nor am I someone good enough to be placed upon a pedestal, yet you view me in a light that no one has ever placed me under; you look at me with kindness and love.

You are thawing my vast and cold wasteland of a heart, into one that is blooming for you.

You do love me. I believe it now, and I'm so terribly sorry that I haven't been able to see it sooner.

Monday, October 7, 2013 @ 4:11 PM

“Don’t be so vain to think that you ruined me,
that you wrecked me,
destroyed me.
I am the only one who has the power to do that.
I loved you, and I ruined myself,
I wrecked myself,
I destroyed myself. And I will keep doing so for as long as I am breathing.”


— Amanda Helm - The Day I Learned That I was Broken

Saturday, October 5, 2013 @ 11:23 PM

I’ve never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart.

—	Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Friday, September 27, 2013 @ 11:21 PM

You
make
me
feel
like
nothing

You
look
right
through
me

Thursday, September 26, 2013 @ 9:38 PM

I need to distance myself from you before I start caring too much.

September 27
@ 8:41 PM

For as long as I could remember, my birthday celebration that I would receive from my family consisted of my dad simply wishing me a "happy birthday" any time during the day that he saw me, and most times, they seemed forced and felt awkward because I could tell that he hardly meant it.


But at least he didn't trivialize the day of my birth, like my mom who tends to overlook it completely and I would be considered lucky for the (very few) times my mom acknowledged my birthday. As sad as it sounds, I've gotten used to setting no expectations for them, or for anyone else. I don't even expect anyone to remember it without the annoying Facebook and Skype notifications everyone is forced to see. And for those who actually do remember it, I appreciate it (a lot).

Tuesday, September 24, 2013 @ 9:29 PM

Actually, I most likely do know the exact point in time and what event has resulted in my current inability to commit and be willing to love someone with my entire being, I just don't want to think deeply about it. I don't want to blame a single individual for my unhappiness anymore. As hard as it is, I do have the potential to change myself, I'm just afraid to. I'm deathly afraid to.

When I push people away (and mind you, I've done that too many times after my last relationship), it isn't like the first thing that pops into my head is, "I'm afraid, get away from me, you'll probably hurt me like everyone else," but my mind rather insinuates that with a more subtle approach. It's always in the back of my head—how I am now deathly afraid of any sort of long lasting attachment and commitment—and I have to think about why I feel so terribly uneasy when someone is getting closer to me and is becoming someone of value in my life, for quite awhile. It is only after that, that I realize I feel such a way because of my increasing trepidation of attachment.

@ 9:12 PM

I just want to get close to you, I want to get to know you (again).

@ 9:10 PM

Countless people have asked me
how I can fall in love
with those who are never (physically) here

Little do they know
the bonds I've developed with those
who live thousands of miles away
feel closer to me
than those who are right by my finger tips

Sunday, September 15, 2013 @ 12:40 AM

I'm addicted to what will kill me.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013 @ 10:59 PM

Wednesday, August 28, 2013 @ 5:06 PM

"It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see."

Thursday, August 22, 2013 @ 9:16 PM

It's almost not safe for me to be left alone, undistracted, sober.

@ 8:50 PM

This bitter loneliness consumes me entirely once I lose the facade of stability I've been withholding up since the last time I broke (down). It sends pain throughout my entire heart as if it were being gashed and torn to pieces.. Is there anyone else to rely on but my (worthless) self?

Friday, August 16, 2013 @ 12:43 AM

@ 12:19 AM

Tuesday, August 13, 2013 @ 12:31 AM

The most random and tiniest things trigger the sadness that's been neglected for as long as the distractions I find last
Here come the flood of tears that I've been trying to hold back for so long
I want to hide
I'm ashamed for letting myself break down again

Tuesday, August 6, 2013 @ 10:15 PM

Oh you make me so happy.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013 @ 11:38 AM

“Of course, you never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them. You stop allowing their history to have any meaning for you today. You let them change their haircut, let them move, let them fall in love again. And when you see this person you have let go, you realize that there is no reason to be sad. The person you knew exists somewhere, but you are separated by too much time to reach them again.”

— How We Let People Go | Thought Catalog

Sunday, July 28, 2013 @ 10:10 AM

I feel like at this point, any type of true kindness is enough to melt my hardened heart

@ 3:26 AM

I'm sad and I can never sleep on time.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013 @ 10:34 PM

Two important q's:
1) Why won't guys talk to me
2) Why am I losing weight when I am eating more than ever

Unorganized
@ 2:34 AM

All I've ever wanted was to mean something to you, something that you'd want to guard and cherish, just as how I've perceived you. How ironic is it that I am having such an immensely difficult time trying to forget you, but the method I've chosen to take to accomplish that is by writing and thinking of you? Hell, haven't my posts always been this god damn ambiguous? One day I'd be content, the next I'd be engulfed below a thousand emotions that send me off into what feels like the pits of hell—and all of that instability derived from my pathetic dependence on you.

I still think of you often, mostly because I can't seem to accept the fact that I've given up—because I needed to. I was no longer good for you (or was I ever?). Every time we parted, I've always maintained that damned sliver of hope and (I'm ashamed to admit it) a tiny, tiny, speckle of a comfort zone, thinking I'd still be needed by you sometime or another, and we could meet each other again eventually. But this time, it's different. There's no more of that. There's no more "we"; you and I have become strangers. Maybe we have been strangers for awhile now, I just haven't realized it yet because I'm embarrassingly oblivious sometimes, but if that's the case, I'm finally learning where I stand, or have been standing. It's just so damn difficult to give up something you've endured so much for and was so passionate about. Over the many months and years I've spent around you, I've grown an unhealthy obsession with not only you, but my determination to prove that I meant everything I felt towards you. And I guess I've somehow subconsciously decided that holding on to you for dear life was the best way to show you that, and shit, that was the dumbest decision I've ever made in my entire life. I should have let go the first couple of times you pushed me away, but running back to you after the fourth, fifth, sixth, or even seventh time has developed a detrimental habit that's gotten me into this shit of a dilemma that I'm currently stuck in. When will I ever fully comprehend that I am no longer considered important to you? When will I ever escape from this mindset that's clearly outdated? I'm confined in ideas that expired much too long ago to even matter.

Is obsession, love? It sure seemed like it was at the time, no matter how many people shook their heads at me for "not giving up". If that wasn't love though, I don't know what is and I doubt I'll ever find out. Because right now, I'm certain I'll never be so devoted and passionate about someone like that ever again. And that is my biggest obstacle that I cannot overcome. I'm unable to love again.

@ 2:05 AM

I am feeling insanely lonely.

Saturday, July 20, 2013 @ 4:49 AM

I'm sad, but I cannot write. I've tried and tried, but my attempts only end up in failures as more and more frustration and discouragement build up within me. Sadness has failed to endow me a surge of creativity as it has done in the past, and now I'm left with no way to express how it feels to live with such a heavy heart like mine. I live in the shadows every day and once I run out of distractions, I feel suffocated as my heart sinks deeper with every thought that floods my mind.

Labels: unfinished

@ 4:48 AM

Tuesday, July 16, 2013 @ 1:03 AM

Now, I am nothing more than an empty, hollow shell. This emptiness consumes me.

Help me.

*
Sunday, July 7, 2013 @ 12:54 AM

“All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten" it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.
This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth? The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you," and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.
At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours.
Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.
But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting.
The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate. They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole. And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.”

— Writings For Winter - For Twenty Year-Olds who have never been loved

Tuesday, June 25, 2013 @ 12:03 PM

It's as if my heart is closed off from all sorts of kindness and warmth I receive. I reject it, avoid it, deny it. I just can't bring myself to believe that I am what they say I am. Because what I see as myself is everything bad combined to form a poor individual. I feel unwarranted and undeserving of those compliments. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013 @ 10:53 PM

I felt more like I was fading away,
like the world had forgotten me. 
Was anyone still interested? 
What could be new about my story,
when the only thing that ever changed 
was the way the wind blew?

Saturday, June 8, 2013 @ 11:30 PM

I'm afraid of who I become when I'm not distracted. My thoughts focus back to you.

Friday, June 7, 2013 @ 3:01 AM

Why the hell did I ever think to rely on you for emotional stability/happiness. I feel ruined.

Saturday, June 1, 2013 @ 4:38 PM

There's nothing to look forward to.

And when you start noticing that there's no one waiting for you, that there's nothing to reach for, that's when you know you're fucked.

Because hope sustains life.

And I feel like I have none.

Sunday, May 26, 2013 @ 12:32 AM

I could be distracted and occupied with countless things all day, but at the end of it, you're the last thing that I'm reminded of. Unfortunately.

Friday, May 24, 2013 @ 6:59 PM

I don’t want to be
your entire world, no.
I would be happy
just to be your morning coffee,
your hanging car keys,
your wallet.

Something seemingly
insignificant,
but if lost throws off
your entire day.

Monday, May 20, 2013 @ 10:24 PM


Basically sums it up.

Friday, May 17, 2013 @ 11:24 PM

I shed tears for this bitter loneliness that sinks to the bottom of my heart like the heaviest anchor, but this ache is nothing compared to yours. I've realized too late. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm not worthy of being someone to rely on when all you've done was look up to me. I'm so sorry.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013 @ 9:26 PM

I hate you because I can't fucking hate you. Do you see my problem here

Monday, May 13, 2013 @ 1:08 PM

I don't want to admit it, but it still hurts. And you still have the power to make me feel so insignificant.

Saturday, May 4, 2013 @ 10:02 PM

A year ago or so, when I cried about you almost everyday, I recall most of the pain was from not only your absence and your harsh indifference towards me, but knowing that you were no longer on my side. You would almost always take your place by me (fights were an exception), whether it was an argument with a friend or worse, one with my mother that would bring me to tears, you calmed me in a way no other could. Through times like those, you found a way into the depths of my heart and cared for me on an immeasurable level, and because you took the role of a hero within my life, I perceived you as an infallible being, one that could not and would not commit anything that would deliberately hurt me, or so I thought. In a sense, it was my own fault for placing you on such a high pedestal because after all, you're just as human as I am. And in a sense, I've used you just like you've used me. I used you for emotional stability, although you ironically turned out to be one of the main factors for its destruction, so I guess you weren't the only antagonist in our story.

@ 9:48 PM

Time's running out. I can't keep indulging in laziness anymore, I need to change.

@ 9:45 PM



He's seriously so talented I can't

@ 9:43 PM

Monday, April 29, 2013 @ 11:04 PM

Mind's intoxicated with sadness and thoughts that will eventually lead me to my own grave
Others act like they can relate to what I'm feeling or won't listen to my cries as an attempt to seek help
Will they listen once I've hit the lowest of lows, when it's too late?
All I seek is a hand warm enough to mend my countless scars and frozen heart

@ 10:45 PM

Talking to you makes me feel shittier because instead of being able to ignore the fact that you don't care about me, I have to face it and you all day.

Saturday, April 27, 2013 @ 11:54 PM

I crave your presence and your attention. I hope your stay isn't ephemeral.

@ 2:09 AM

Monday, April 22, 2013 @ 4:41 PM

I remember having this really close best friend during this one summer that feels almost an eternity ago, and the closeness probably wasn't mutual but I considered him pretty damn important at that point in time, and probably still would if he could just stop going MIA.

Hi Jason Vo.

This might seem creepy as shit but I noticed you checked my blog (which you haven't in months, thanks), can you please come back I MISS YOU oh my god

Wednesday, April 17, 2013 @ 9:51 PM

“I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.”

—	Audrey Hepburn

Reflection
Tuesday, April 2, 2013 @ 11:11 PM

I fall in love with people and things that radiate a soft kind of sadness. The type of sadness that makes your heart ache but kindles a peculiar form of comfort, like a sense of familiarity or deja vu. It's addicting, really. To not surround yourself with grey tones and to bring color into your life feels too different; you find out that you're actually fond of dull colors. It suits you better. A wide range of colors feel almost foreign and you shy away from it. You avoid it. And one day when you look back, you notice that you've built a home within the sadness you once sought to run away from.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013 @ 10:55 PM

“Did he appear,
because I fell asleep
thinking of him?
If only I’d known I was dreaming
I’d never have wakened.”

—	Ono no Komachi

@ 10:47 PM


Your company always felt so warm
It was enough to warm my frozen heart when you entered my dreams
Enough to make me think about you long after the dream has faded from my memory
And mostly, enough to cause this yearning for your presence that I thought I had gotten rid of
(For the thousandth time)

@ 9:00 PM

@ 8:41 PM

@ 8:34 PM

People think I’m insane because I am frowning all the time All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy Think I’ll lose my mind if I don’t find something to pacify Can you help me occupy my brain? I need someone to show me the things in life that I can’t find I can’t see the things that make true happiness, I must be blind Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry
— Paranoid; Black Sabbath

@ 8:32 PM

@ 8:27 PM

SO SICK OF THIS
CRYyyyyyyyyyyy

Monday, March 25, 2013 @ 8:13 PM

I've never felt so fucking empty in my entire life. My mood remains blank with a tinge of sadness, and that sadness comes from feeling so vastly hollow and immovable and because I can feel my heart growing more languid as the days go by. Why am I becoming like this, so detached from everyone around me, stacking bricks on top of bricks to build a greater wall around myself? Yet I complain about being lonely, and it's as if I am still contained within an illusion that some Mr. Prince Charming will obliterate my seemingly infallible wall and impress me, steal my heart away and save me from this hell of a life, just like before, but this time it will end in a happily ever after.

Who am I trying to fool, there is no such thing as a happy ending for me.

And for now, this is all I have to say
@ 8:05 PM

Thursday, March 7, 2013 @ 11:12 PM

Half suicidal, half hopeful.

@ 11:08 PM

“You’re always in a rush, or else you’re too exhausted to have a proper conversation. Soon enough, the long hours, the traveling, the broken sleep have all crept into your being and become part of you, so everyone can see it, in your posture, your gaze, the way you move and talk.”

— Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go

I wake up, go to school, work the entire school day (literally, I don't have a period to waste), come home, wait until the hours go by, sleep, and repeat. This year consists of monotonous routines that I've grown accustomed to and unfortunately found a sense of comfort in. I always remembered myself as an outgoing, sociable person, and I guess I still am to a point, but that part of me has certainly become one of my barren characteristics; unused and untouched. Being in solitude has grown into me as a habit more than a choice of leisure and I won't admit that my life is currently "ideal" because it most definitely isn't. I'm not enjoying a single bit of it but I'm only tolerating it (since I don't seem to have any other option). Reading that quote gave me some time to reflect upon myself as well as an unwelcome harsh realization of what my life has become and what I have become over the course of a year. I won't fully admit that I've changed due to the shittiest relationship of my life, although that did play a tremendous role, because a lot of it was self-related. How I perceived myself and what I've chosen to do. I've set my priorities and the list happened to exclude social activities and I guess, happiness. I'm only dealing with things now and too often do I find myself in a rush where I attempt to accomplish so many things at once and end up completing little to nothing. I'm losing touch with a lot of people, even with those who are physically close to me and that I "interact" with everyday at school because I'm always caught up in my own world, which includes constant work. I always seem to have something to do. I'm always constantly on the move. I always feel uneasy. When I actually have an empty schedule, it doesn't feel right. I'm so occupied that I don't have the time to reminisce about him, my past, or drown in a "pool of sadness" like before. I feel nothing and I feel as if I'm becoming nothing; a ghost.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm becoming a shitty friend, sister, daughter, and whatever else that requires human interaction, and I hope they understand. My life is hectic with imbalance and the calamity won't subside anytime soon. I'm just hoping this doesn't turn me (even more) bitter.

Thursday, February 28, 2013 @ 12:04 AM

And it's already the last day of February. 2013 is going by way too fast. It's fucking terrifying.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013 @ 8:30 PM

I'm too young to feel this sad. And it scares me that soon that won't even be a legitimate excuse. I'm growing (old) by the second and sadness is becoming a part of me. I'm afraid that it'll change who I am, or most of all, become who I am. Sadness.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013 @ 4:35 PM

Friday, February 8, 2013 @ 8:45 PM

“I can now tell you with absolute confidence that it must take more than 7 months to un-love someone. I’m not sure if it has been 7 months that have felt like an eternity or an eternity that has felt like 7 months. Either way, you are now only in my thoughts 11 times a day on average, and I’m not sure how long those thoughts last. You take up every inch of my poetic words and only rare sentences in conversation to eye rolling conversationalists. It does not take 7 months to un-love someone. Maybe it takes 8, or 12, or 54- I’ll let you know.”

Sunday, February 3, 2013 @ 1:29 AM

It always hurts me to give up on you. Fuck.

Monday, January 28, 2013 @ 8:51 PM

I am literally living the stereotype of feeling lonely as fuck whilst pushing everyone that wishes to be close to me, away.

Sunday, January 27, 2013 @ 7:07 PM

fuck

@ 5:33 PM


Getting over someone. People make it out to be much more easier than it actually is. I'm fucking tired of putting up this bull shit facade of being seemingly fine, happy, jolly, or whatever the fuck society expects me to be. I'm rotting away on the inside. My mind is clouded up with negative shit and no matter how much I work to fight against it, it overcomes me. I'm at defeat in a battle within myself.

That one incident blighted my life. It's not even just about him anymore. Losing him (which isn't much of a loss to be honest) took a toll on every aspect of my life, similar to radioactive radiation that seeps through the most minuscule of spaces and eventually fucks with everything in its path. Good things happen from time to time but nothing gets me intrigued. Nothing keeps me happy.

If I keep living with this sort of tainted mindset, my life's bound to be the nightmare I've been fearing, a bitter life alone in a grey toned world—or has that become my life already? I'm aware of the outcome of maintaining this routine of mine but I'm at a dead end. I'm losing hope to find change. I'm afraid that I'll dwell in this depression for a life time since it's already burned through nearly every barrier I've set up between it and I. I'll only be painting a mirage of dreams that will never come true by sitting here thinking things will turn around for me any time soon but I'm so, so fucking tired of feeling like this.

The worst part is, I have no clue on how to feel better. Materialistic objects aren't going to keep me up forever. Hell, I'm already getting bored of buying shit for myself despite my heavy dependence on "retail therapy". There seems to be a solution for everything besides my own situation.

Friday, January 25, 2013 @ 9:53 PM

More activity: fashion blog | tumblr | instagram

@ 9:50 PM

What a pathetic life I've been living.

Friday, January 18, 2013 @ 11:02 PM



Because what you think of me conflicts what you feel for me 

You’re so perfect to me
Nothing’s changed, the way I feel at all 
If I stay down, you’ll come around 
Eventually I used to say
It was only a matter of time
For your heart matters more than your mind 
And you tried to fight it and I don’t know why 
You didn’t stand a chance

@ 10:56 PM

I just need something (or someone) to keep me distracted until I forget you.

@ 10:55 PM

I can't stand to see you doing better than me. You don't deserve it.

note to self
@ 7:48 PM

Stop feeling like a low piece of shit.

No one is here to stabilize your emotions anymore.

No one is here to give you sympathy, no one is here to make you feel better.

It's all you, and you alone.

You're the one that has to take care of yourself. No one is here to help.

Get up and make something of yourself. Accomplish things that will make your parents proud and your past exes regret losing you.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013 @ 10:53 PM

Sunday, January 13, 2013 @ 11:49 PM

You can’t just make me different and then leave.

—	Looking for Alaska, John Green

Wednesday, January 9, 2013 @ 11:36 PM

There's only a slim line between me feeling on top of the world and feeling like the lowest piece of shit on the planet. My life is too unstable.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013 @ 8:40 PM

Perhaps I am addicted to the feeling of depression and forcefully putting myself down whenever I feel the slightest joy thinking, "I don't deserve this." I've lost touch with my emotions and I've forgotten how to feel anything besides this deep sadness I can't seem to escape.

Monday, January 7, 2013 @ 5:48 PM

I don't cry often, but when I do, a stream of tears rush down my eyes and it's so abrupt because what triggers it is something I impetuously scroll by or just happen to see or hear. It's as if crying means losing control; so much that your body ceases to obey you in the face of the fact. I thought I have gotten damn well used to seeing things that embraced your scent and carried your memories but all of that was simply due to the strength I've managed to build up and my resistance. I resisted in order for me to not fall back to square one again and I tried to resist you. But today, I've cracked, much more worse than any of the other times, while being wistful that you actually care.

While scrolling through the blog of a recent and seemingly unknown follower of mine, I've come to notice that he was going through a period of heartbreak of his own. A person's sadness always sparks my interests in a good way, because I wonder if they feel the same as I do; similar aches, hope that seems worthless but does not cease to dwindle, and the inevitability of experiencing the pain of only being able to watch their loved one from afar. And indeed, he felt as I did, or at least close, and while reading through his letter that will never be read by his certain someone, I could not help but feel envious of the girl he was writing to. How amazing would it feel to have someone cherish you in such a way, despite the numerous obstacles he may have faced that could have deteriorated his endurance to continue caring for you? I cried not only for my pain but his. Because being in love with someone you  aren't meant to be with is the most unfortunate thing.

@ 5:05 PM

Things would be different if you cared.

Sunday, January 6, 2013 @ 6:47 AM

A brand new year yet I am still stuck in this god damn misery of not being able to fully let go.

Forbidden friendly approach?
@ 6:45 AM

Yes. I still do think of you. Your name often (less than before, but still) comes out of my mouth. I still wish we had some sort of connection to each other. Memories with you still linger within my mind.

No. I don't think of you as someone I can spend the rest of my life with (no shit) and neither do you, meaning my intentions of reconciling does not associate with intimacy. No, I don't need you in order to survive and I never once did; no one needs a significant other in order to live, it's merely a desire for dependency that people disguise as a need. However, I don't want to keep continuing my life like this, I don't want to keep living with an ache that relates back to you, and I cannot help but think that your presence will assuage my situation.

It's ridiculous how many factors there are that hinder me from approaching you. Are you the same, or at least the similar person, or have you grown cold? Maybe your personality hasn't changed but has your interest towards me completely diminished? Has your life completely and drastically improved since we parted (for good)? Have you ever thought, at least once, about me and the role I've played in your life, and did I leave a positive impact in some way? Has your heart completely moved on and already learned to forget someone like me? Were you able to dispose of the memories that partially make us who we are today? If not, how could you neglect someone you shared so much history with. Isn't the time, tears, and efforts wasted worth anything to you?

Sunday, December 30, 2012 @ 10:34 PM

“I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.”

Saturday, December 8, 2012 @ 3:44 PM

It's odd how my loneliness alleviated when I've parted myself from numerous people, including the one person whom I've once loved.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012 @ 9:03 PM

It scares me how fast time is going by..

Another realization
Monday, November 26, 2012 @ 12:49 AM

Momentarily, I inhaled hope and colored a false image of expectations during the brief times we spoke. The hope that was instilled in me could have possibly come from loneliness; for being alone and searching for comfort for so long, and I thought that you were able to give me that and more. Being with you gave me a sense of familiarity and I was instantly hooked since my life was filled with hectic change as soon as you walked out on me. The moments without you were miserable, and, I thought what anyone else would have, which is that if I brought you back, I'd regain my happiness, stability. Little did I know that you would do nothing to change that. My state hardly improved after I've become re-associated with you. The person I looked up to was no longer there. Perhaps I've begun to perceive you differently; with less trust and more doubt, but all of your actions and words felt like bull shit. I noticed the flaws that were always there but were hidden underneath my "blinding love" towards you, and with those unveiled in tiny increments day by day, I began to realize that you are not the perfect one for me. You never were, not one year ago, not now. Beyond the newly discovered irritating characteristics of you, I noticed how you've changed over the course of several months we kept to ourselves. Your tone, your vocabulary, your voice.. Somewhere and somehow, someone influenced you to act and speak like that, someone important enough for you to follow their linguistic styles, humor, and even their way of thinking. I was no longer a piece of you. I wasn't a part of you anymore, and the longer I was away, the more I faded into someone you vaguely recall. We were simply keeping each other company. No one wanted us. My heart wasn't open and although yours may have, no one would accept you like I would, so you missed me. With the days spent together, I've also realized that you haven't changed a bit. You're still the stubborn, dogmatic douche bag that wants to strip away everything that I consider important so I'll be bare and have nothing to hold on to except for you and to satisfy your insecurities (which you need to desperately fix, they'll be the end of you if you don't). You claim that I am wrong, but your words don't affect anyone's thoughts anymore. You made your intentions so obvious. Maybe they were always this obvious (since so many people have told me to leave when we were together) and I was just oblivious and an idiot. Either way, I've chosen my path, and it hurts being this alone again but I know you aren't the best life has in store for me and I'll come to find someone much greater. I've spent enough time dwelling on you. Over two years is enough don't you think? Maybe, just maybe, we'll cross paths again. Hopefully you would've come to your senses by then.

Saturday, November 24, 2012 @ 8:34 PM

“I think I’m in love with missing you more than I’m in love with you.”

Friday, November 23, 2012 @ 9:30 PM

What you still haven't fully understood is that although I am fine without you, my heart still yearns for you. I'm going through the roughest times of my life right now and I needed you. No, it's not what you think it is; I wasn't going to "use" you. You were the only person that would be able to bring the light back into my eyes even during the most darkest moments, which is now. You had that capability and there's no one else that can touch my heart like the way you do. I needed you to be my healer, my escape and my hope, but you didn't think I was worth your time. I would've given back so much more.. You just didn't find a good reason to help me like you used to.

@ 8:53 PM

“I’m still writing about you and you haven’t read a word.”

@ 8:00 PM

This feeling of emptiness I've been feeling constantly has opened my mind to wonder what brings other people to life. What is their motivation to get up in the morning, what pulls them through and supplies their strength to endure? Some have nothing but hope; hope they'll succeed with luck, while others have a well-rounded life with everything to support their passions. Many have discovered their talent that will guide them to success, others have found love that brings joy to their heart and something to look forward to, and the remainder have money, endless support from their peers, or ceaseless hope. With these observances, I.. I seem to have nothing. The time I have to discover my talents is coming to an end. I'm running out of time to "experiment" and I'm soon forced to face my greatest fear: to decide my path. I am expected to choose (wisely) who I wish to be and what I hope to contribute to society, but how will I ever be able to contribute when I'm hollow and have nothing to give? There's nothing that brings me to life. The only reason I seem to get up in the morning is because I simply must. There's nothing that brings me great joy or hope, and I'm a massive failure at inspiring myself. Where is my source of hope? The waters of my future seem murky and I am lost at where I should be headed. I'm not sure of anything anymore and I thought I would get a sense of certainty eventually but it's been much too long.. I'm afraid.

No hope is instilled within me. Who knows what will happen to me if I fail to find something soon.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012 @ 11:25 PM

From now on, I'm going to dedicate myself to writing in this blog like I used to. It'll help me gather up my thoughts and determine how I'm actually feeling instead of plain "sad" or "okay". I know there's so much more to that but I've been avoiding the intricate thinking process.

@ 11:23 PM

You've given me no choice but to give up.

Sarcasm intended
Monday, November 19, 2012 @ 3:07 AM

I've missed this feeling of overwhelming sadness that only comes past midnight when you're physically and mentally exhausted. It's a mixture of bitter loneliness, hatred towards whomever (could be yourself, such as I), and fatigue. You're too tired to think straight yet your mind finds the strength to morph your thoughts into nightmares that makes you want to stay up until your body no longer can withstand it. It's the worst time to go to sleep when these sort of feelings bind you because these feelings aren't the ones that fade away once you've woken up, but create an imprint on the skin of your heart and linger long after the terrible night's sleep.

Friday, November 16, 2012 @ 5:48 PM

See if I care.

Saturday, November 10, 2012 @ 8:53 PM

I mean, I could've totally avoided this. I just chose not to. Damn it.

Friday, November 9, 2012 @ 5:51 AM

Can you make it any more obvious that you bull shit your way out of everything.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012 @ 10:08 PM

Wanderlust is instilled within everyone. We are all wistful in getting "away", and moving from our dull, solidified routine that we are expected to live. A select few enjoy their current lives, most dread their days and seek change of environment to expand their success. I feel as if college is most of our escape routes. We deal with the miserable four years of high school for the great award that awaits us at the end: freedom and relief. Freedom from the binding school work, the labels that stuck with you throughout the years of high school, and the people you were forced to face during the extensive five weekdays. For some, graduation is an entrance to the 'actual' part of their lives, and the most significant. High school is merely an illusion, it is not even close to reflecting reality. The real world has much more to offer and depending how you look at it, harsh. But it is those harsh obstacles that mold us into the people we need to be to survive and reach our greatest aspirations. To move away from something so familiar is a scary thing.. but only through those changes will we be able grow and obtain things much greater than what we held on to.

Friday, October 26, 2012 @ 10:40 PM

"Just because you're unhappy doesn't mean you can't laugh at funny things and marvel at beautiful things and enjoy happy moments. You can still do happy things even if you are unhappy."

@ 10:38 PM

Pretty sure I'm apathetic.

I have nearly no emotions or those intricate thoughts I once had.. When I had time to breathe.

All I'm certain of is that I'm sad. Not a surprise.

I'm sad because my life really sucks this year. But it'll be worth it.. Right?

Please tell me that this will all be worth it.

Monday, October 22, 2012 @ 5:55 PM

Studying is dictating my life and I'm not having fun..

Sunday, October 14, 2012 @ 12:41 AM

We've crossed paths, again. We're finally open to communicate with each other with nothing to stop us, yet we are so reluctant to. I'm too afraid to start the conversation much of the time due to various reasons. You on the other hand, don't seem to mind the fact that I feel ignored and won't even acknowledge my existence.

Where are we headed?

Maybe I am much too impatient for results. There's a possibility that there might be no results at all, that we'll continue on this nonchalant pathway until we naturally part ways (unlike previous times where it was practically forced on me). I just need some type of clue to where we might be going. You seem interested and careless at the same time. I'm stuck here trying my best to not let your nonchalance get the best of me, to act as if your actions don't bother me at all, but they eat away at my thoughts and I'm too afraid to directly ask for answers.

Who are you to me? Who am I to you? Two questions that constantly remain in my mind that I have yet to find valid answers for. I no longer know who you are to me, what value your presence holds in my life, and how much I desire your company. I just.. Prefer you stay rather than leave. I want to get to know you all over again and possibly fall in love with who you are, all over again. But your actions cut down my hope. I want to stop if I'm going to be treated this way.

Sunday, October 7, 2012 @ 7:26 PM

I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me.

— Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone

@ 5:18 PM

This frustration.

Friday, October 5, 2012 @ 7:21 PM

Check out the fashion blog, yeah?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012 @ 12:50 AM

I need you to come back to me and prove how much of a fucking terrible person you are.

Because I’m still stuck here believing there’s some good in you even after all the shit you’ve done to me.. I’m avoiding the truth, I know, but my heart won’t accept it without more evidence.

I need you to show me the worst side of you, I want to hate your guts, I want to feel sick to my stomach when I hear your name. Just give me something, so I can lose you for good.

Why do you still linger in my thoughts?

Saturday, September 29, 2012 @ 8:46 AM

I DON'T WANT TO GET ALL DEPENDENT ON YOU. SHIT.

Seventeen.
Thursday, September 27, 2012 @ 3:19 PM

I've only a year left until I reach legal age. I feel so naive yet so.. mature. There are so many things expected from me. You'd expect more freedom as you grow older but in reality, it's quite the contrary. With increase in years comes with the increase in limits. The amount of things that differentiate between things you should do and things you want to do expand, and it's almost too overwhelming to accept. From an unknown point in time, I lost the exuberance to consider my birthday as something that should be celebrated. To some, I'm "only" seventeen. To myself, I'm seventeen already. After a decade and almost a half, I've grown tired of the mediocre celebrations and the extraneous attention I get for being born. It's really nothing special, if you think about it. Today is not much more different than any other. I breathe the same air, I'm in the same location, I'm sitting here writing on my blog about my worthless thoughts just like every other day. Age is nothing more than a number, just because I've gained another year onto my age label doesn't mean I've grown out of my inept mindset. Presents? The only thing I could wish for is someone to mold this shapeless day into something enjoyable. Someone that appreciates my day of birth to the point where it convinces me that it's actually significant. No one special to celebrate it with, every "happy birthday" wish feels the same to me.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012 @ 10:54 PM

Nothing is going right for me.

Friday, September 21, 2012 @ 11:43 PM

Because after everything, you can't blame the person who's trying their best to move on but can't. The true identity of the person they can't seem to forget is insignificant at this point. What matters is the emotions and memories that feel like gifts to them. Everyone has received a gift or a reward that's greater than anything they've ever received, and that experience is one that you can never forget. It is the type of experience that you'll tell stories about year after year and refer back to in every possible situation that you can. With this mindset, it's expected of them to be grateful for those memories, but at the same time, have a heart filled with grief, deluging in sorrow because they will be nothing more than simply memories. They dwell in the past and consign to oblivion of the present. They're only "okay" when their mind and body is occupied and even then, they're unable to be fully distracted from those thoughts. No distraction is enough. Experiences that have touched your soul, people that have engraved their names onto your pliable heart, are things you cannot fool your mind into thinking it has forgotten.

Thursday, September 20, 2012 @ 10:21 PM

Lately I feel like I have no one near me, besides Nat. Physically, so many people surround me, I have so many people around to talk to. Within, I'm filled with loneliness and the feeling of vast emptiness, the feeling of nothing. It's like touching something without being able to feel. It's as if my senses are defective.. I'm so numb. I feel so lonely, I feel so deserted. I'm so lost. I need guidance. And lately I've just been searching for you.

I need to stop but,
Sunday, September 16, 2012 @ 4:51 PM

Whenever I am asked to list the characteristics about my ideal guy, I just mention you.

It would take me years, or maybe I will never be able to describe the exact appeals of who you are to me. You're a douche bag, an immoral fuck that doesn't understand the realities of what life is, a boy who disappointed me in ways that I would have never expected. I put you on a pedestal above everyone I've ever known and I still do because of how much you once meant to me. I fell in love with you as a person. I fell in love with you entirely. I loved what you were interested in, I loved what you hated, I loved where you came from and your culture, I loved your parents and family despite never meeting them, I loved your extravagant hobbies. I took a liking to everything about you. There was not one thing that I found disapproving, with the exception of everything you've deliberately done to hurt me. Beyond the douche bag that everyone around me now knows you as, lies a sensitive person that I fell in love with. The person that blinded the harsh cruelties of my life and took care of me when no one else cared enough to. The person that was honest, (to an extent, I've discovered) the person who had conflicts of his own yet took the time to be the hero of mine. You've entered the darkest corners of my mind and you understood ideas and thoughts that no one before you ever has. And that is why I was fooled into the bull shit idea of us lasting forever. It wasn't very much a positive thing to be blinded by your love, I lost sense of the other aspects of our relationship and of my own life as well. After you, I've become a stranger to myself. I lost my identity and the person I am now contains only bits and pieces of personalities I've accumulated throughout these 8 months. You saved me once, then killed me over and over again. You've altered and redefined my idea of a perfect mate. My standards are high, my perspective has been narrowed, and my heart is closed off by walls that kiss the clouds. All thanks to you.

Maybe it will take me another year, or even a week to get over you completely. I long for nonchalance. I want to recover to the point where I won't even budge when I look at you in the eyes. Until then, I'm forced to dwell in these thoughts. Hope remains within me; hope that you're still a good person, the person that I remember you as.

No one will love you as much as I once did.

Saturday, September 15, 2012 @ 9:14 PM

What I want to believe vs. the truth

I Hate You - Urban Zakapa
@ 7:28 PM

Friday, September 14, 2012 @ 12:18 AM

School is my top priority. Increasing my GPA, accumulating enough community service hours, becoming devoted to extracurricular activities, passing the SAT with an acceptable score, focusing for the sake of my future; that's my priority.

Saturday, September 8, 2012 @ 12:02 AM

I miss being in Korea because for a brief period of time I was living a life much different from the one I'm so used to, the one that is nothing more than a constant dull routine. For once I was able to simply forget. I was able to forget the past and the upcoming stress. My mind wasn't so distraught all the time and there wasn't much to hold me down from reaching that peak of happiness I've been wanting for so long. It was a period of relief and remedy, and it was much too short to leave a lasting impact on me. I seek change, I feel binded to this monotonous routine of a life I've been living.

Friday, September 7, 2012 @ 10:00 PM

I'M NOT HAPPY.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012 @ 6:17 PM

As a naive kid, I was told and believed that dreams were always opposite to reality and that it foreshadowed the future in someway or another. Even after several years, I still hold close to that belief because the dreams I have that include you are contrary to what happens in actual life that leave me in.. I'll admit, disappointments.

My mind likes to mess with me by sending me dreams that feel much too close to reality. It's those type of dreams that you can almost feel, taste, and smell, but you can't. You feel so close..yet it is nothing more than an illusion that is produced by the mind. Over the years I've also realized that dreams are synchronized with what you've seen while your mind is awake, whether it was unconsciously or deliberately. Whenever I fortuitously come across anything that is related to you, I almost always have a dream with you in it that night. It's horrible, it's so terrible. It's not like I want to regard anything that brings back memories of you. It's all by chance yet it happens so often. So often I encounter images of movies that you've watched with me, so often I hear the things we've solemnly promised to each other. It all means nothing now, so why does it still affect me in such a tremendous way? I want to forget and I've been trying to. All was and is well until I am reminded of you. Again and again.

I feel hopeless because I have no one to blame. I can't come up with a solid reason to why this is a constant recurrence. Am I to blame for all of this? I am trying but nothing is taking in full effect. My heart has already grown into a state of numbness where it no longer searches for love, since love doesn't seem to exist now. I'm not looking for a new attachment because I don't want nor need it. Am I to blame for the thoughts that gravitate to you when I'm laying in bed at night? Is it my fault for still caring when I don't want to? Am I really at fault for these intense mix of emotions of hate, anger, love, and sadness that arise whenever you're brought up? To this day, emotions that are clung to you remain within my heart. To this day and God knows how much longer, my heart has and will always have that room in which you once dwelled in. There will always be an aching spot associated with you. How sad it is to admit this with my own mouth, but it's the inevitable truth. It seems that it's just one of the things that I must live with until the pain is completely alleviated.

Sunday, September 2, 2012 @ 10:14 PM

My thoughts slip away too quickly for me to dwell in them and actually figure out how I've been feeling. I can't describe my emotions anymore, they're easily swept away and forgotten. Nothing stays in my heart or mind.

Nothing bothers me or is important enough to occupy my thoughts, I guess. Some people may envy this new grown characteristic of mine but if you think about it, it's the saddest thing. I don't feel much anymore and I can't stress this enough. I want to be moved. I want to be emotionally connected with myself again.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012 @ 8:27 PM

Maybe I'm just a depressed person that's able to force a smile whenever I can.

Late night thoughts
Sunday, August 26, 2012 @ 11:59 PM

The wise may say that the future is only a repeat of history.

If that applies to every situation, I am afraid of the future. This exact moment 10 years ago, I would have never imagined myself to be living my life like this. Everyone has their own regrets and mistakes, yes, but I can't seem to avoid the idea that I am a walking disappointment, a pile of failures. This short period of time consisting of a year that I am living in right now is supposed to determine the rest of my life, apparently. Let's say that is true. As somewhat of an optimist, I dream. I dream to be successful, 10, 20 years from now. If the future is a copy of what has previously occurred in the past, does that not prove that I will face failure again or at least severely reduce my chances of success?

Will my best be enough or will it be neglected and forever marked as inadequate?

@ 11:15 PM

Mood is increasingly going downhill day by day.

Someone explain why this is happening.

@ 12:51 AM

It hits again.

My memories swallow me. They get triggered so often and by the tiniest things. I want to describe them as insignificant but I can't because if they were, I'd be nonchalant.. Right? I am reminded of my entire past in mere seconds. In a blink of an eye the memories that took so much to overcome and disdain are awakened and played repeatedly in my mind.

All over again.

Friday, August 24, 2012 @ 12:42 AM

I want to be thinner.

Monday, August 20, 2012 @ 8:12 PM

If you plan on affecting me in some way, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that. My heart has grown cold and immovable the past several months and nothing "gets" to me as much as it used to. Am I fully detached from my emotions? I'm not sure and neither am I certain on whether or not I am fond of this 180 degree change in my attitude, but it's something I must accept and adapt to.

It's become awfully challenging to smile a little, laugh a little, enjoy a little, and even cry a little. It's difficult to "feel" the simplest emotions.

Saturday, August 18, 2012 @ 3:56 PM

Hi, I'd really appreciate it if you looked at Nat and I's fashion blog we opened last night. If you were wondering, this is the "project" we've been working on for the past two months. :-)

http://nyustyles.blogspot.com/

Friday, August 17, 2012 @ 10:56 PM

This year will be the year to prove myself, to prove that I am worthy of accomplishments that I've only dreamt of. I'm going to focus and invest the time I've been given to better myself; to enhance my capabilities. No relationships, no bull shit. Just by myself for the sake of my future.

@ 2:05 AM

The feeling of love and every emotion associated with it feels long gone and so.. so distant. It feels like I've never been in contact with the existence of love. I feel unaware. Love seems like a fairy tale at this point in time, like a story that happened in a far away place, a long time ago. When I look at myself, I see a girl that has never deeply loved and has never been loved.

Missing Piece - David Choi
@ 1:47 AM

@ 1:37 AM

I've come across many instances where I wish to give up on achieving any higher than what I already have. Everyday, I'm bombarded by words that cut through my self esteem, words that burn away any hope I've managed to hold on. I'm a huge disappointment, apparently. I'm living a lie, apparently. When you hear something so often and so emphasized, the phrases constantly linger in your mind. Those afflictive words fill your mind and you begin to accept them as truths. You start doubting who you are and how much you're capable of.

The amount of expectations are a heavy weight on my shoulders, I feel as if I'm carrying the entire world. Am I really expected to fulfill all of what's expected from me? Will my efforts even be adequate? Or will I once again disappoint those that look up to me and become a burden on their lives.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012 @ 8:49 PM

Honestly I don't know the exact reason for the inactivity of this blog.. A place where I used to have so much to talk about.

Nothing's on my mind anymore, I guess.

A lot does bother me but I'm not sure if this blog will continue being my escape.

@ 8:06 PM

And just like that, summer's over.

Thursday, August 9, 2012 @ 8:11 PM

Now I realize how stupid it sounds to have said such exaggerated statements during times of desperate wants.

"Letting you go will kill me."

"I'll die without you."

"You're everything I need."

Such love sick statements that are clearly false. They are nothing more than exaggerations to emphasize your desperation. Similar to the word forever, those phrases are misused and overused. Just like nothing will last forever, you won't die when you let them go. Your heart won't stop, your lungs will continue providing plenty of oxygen, and your body won't disintegrate the second you part with them. You won't die. But you'll break. Your heart may shatter into pieces and pieces, your mind may turn chaotic and restless, but you won't die. You'll live through it. I've learned that it's a good thing to break. Lessons are learned best through first hand experiences and after you've fallen the first time, it'll be much easier for you to get up the next time around. You'll live, and survive.

Monday, August 6, 2012 @ 6:56 AM

After encounterig an immense amount of bull shit associated with males and relationships in general, I feel strongly against my sister being in any sort of "intimate" relationship during her highschool career. Some thoughts came to mind as I thought about the beginning of my sister's official teenage phase with her entrance into the ninth grade and as sensitive as she is, I don't think neither her or myself can handle her getting afflicted over a boy who has a long way until he reaches the proper level of maturity. To simplify this idea, what I'm trying to say is that if an immature fuck ass idiotic teenage boy who is filled with bad intentions fucks with my sister's feeble emotions, I plan on doing some violent shit aka chop-his-balls-off-and-feed-them-to-the-dogs type of actions. Stay innocent dear sister. :-)

Saturday, August 4, 2012 @ 8:50 PM

Looking back, the pain I've endured seems short-lived although the course of recovery felt as if I was enclosed within an eternal confinement of anguish. I was imprisoned by my own thoughts and emotions that compelled no optimism on my behalf; I've hit a critical low. No words were able to mend my heart, no satisfying comfort was brought by my surroundings or achievements. Days and months went by with my heart being immovable, resisting to improve the state it was in. Growing recalcitrant and defiant, my heart affected my being as a whole which had tremendous impact on my perspectives and the way I talked and moved. Once again I fell into despair unplanned and unexpected, and once again I sought for an escape when I clearly knew from past experience that no such thing exists. There is none besides time itself.

Time does heal all.

Looking back, love creates blind spots. Love opens a new window of perspective but at times closes off reality and the truths. Looking back, that part of my past is nothing more than a speckle of dust when compared to the life I've lived and will live. When placed on a timeline, this incredibly magnified experience, does not possess enough significance for a single mark. This experience filled with emotions of love and misery will surely be remembered whether or not it will remain vivid or vague. Looking back, almost all that I have faced within this brief course of time was ephemeral. And looking back, I've realized that I would have never realized this process of thought if it weren't for these detrimental endeavors.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012 @ 6:57 AM

I cannot remember why I named my blog "obnoxious opinions". I've never payed much attention to the name during the 3~4 years I've been posting but tonight (or should I say early morning) I feel inclined to discover why or how I named this.

Monday, July 30, 2012 @ 9:17 PM

At the end of every break up and from then on, the amount of time you spend on getting over each other is almost like a competition. If you're the lucky person to lose the attachment you've grown to the other first, you win. It's all centered on pride, it's all about whoever moves on faster and is seemingly content with the disintegration of the relationship. Seemingly content. You could be mutilated inside, beaten up, torn apart, in absolute anguish and terror, but just as long as you plaster that bright smile on your face, you're okay. Everything's fine.

Right?

Everybody tries so hard to appear strong in cases they shouldn't be. You're a human being, you don't deserve to be expected to put up a strong front when you're wounded. Take your time, take a breather. Take as much time as you need to move on. Rushing yourself and putting up a facade will lead to inconsistent results. Focus on the important things, such as yourself and ignore the things that are meant to be forgotten. Memories? They can always be recreated with somebody more special. Let the old memories gather up dust and decay. Let go.

Saturday, July 28, 2012 @ 10:43 AM

No issues = less posts on my blog.

Sorry. :-)

Why people accuse themselves.
@ 7:10 AM

What are you supposed to do when there's absolutely nothing or no one to blame for your aching heart? Turns out the one person that gave you the only feeling of certainty you've felt in years, the person who was your entire world, loves someone else. They blatantly tell you the truth, and damn, the truth hurts. You want nothing more than to curse them. Make them feel the lowest for making you feel worthless. But even bullies from your elementary school can tell you that degrading others in hopes of relief is no use. You so badly wish to blame them for everything: wasting years of your time, hurting you, leaving cuts and eternal scars onto your weak heart that's barely beating now. For embedding memories into your mind that will be cherished by you yet so competently discarded by him. You can't blame him for not being able to do something he can't do.. You can't blame anyone for not being able to fall in love with you, just how you aren't choosing to be in love with him despite the situation you're in. 

You begin to turn these accusations towards yourself. Questions arise and you can't help but answer them yourself. 

Am I to be held accountable for this? Did I cause this mess myself?

He fell out of love because of me.

Because of me. I did all of this.

You sound pathetic, you're mindful of this, yet no one else has the answers to your unending questions. Not him, not you. And when there's silence in the midst of you crying out for help, it's like you've got no choice but to turn things against yourself. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012 @ 6:46 PM

Accumulated for the past 3 months.



I should kill myself.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012 @ 11:39 PM

With each and every passing day I feel a bit better about my status. Being alone never felt so great. I look at the peers around me, most of whom are confined by heart breaking issues associated to some type of emotion or another, and I am actually grateful that I'm not stuck in such a situation. Not being bound to a relationship, assuming most serious ones are excessively fucking complex, is terrific. This is the release of freedom and bliss I've been searching for.

Sunday, July 22, 2012 @ 2:20 AM

When you aren't blinded by love, everyone around you that are in love look dumb to you.

@ 2:19 AM

Whoever you're thinking of right now, they must have hurt you or will hurt you at some point. The second you start caring is when you become vulnerable to their actions no matter how minor they may be. The moment you give them even the slightest bit of trust is when you are allowing them the privilege to crush your heart in the palm of their hands. To care for someone so dearly, with all of your heart.. takes a lot of courage. It's a daring task: to let someone in entirely and expose your strengths and weaknesses. It requires bravery and the greatest desire to love them to start caring and because you're aware of this, you may want to neglect your feelings for the sake of your own protection or even put up a facade in place of the truth by acting as if you simply do not care. However there are things you cannot achieve, and that is producing lies to your heart. Your heart is your conscience and it itches to find someone to care for. If it's not always, it's at some point in your life where you will care about someone so much to the point where you wish you no longer did. Pain comes with the price of caring, yet it's something we can't ever bring ourselves to stop.

Saturday, July 21, 2012 @ 5:04 AM

Finally relieved because the ache in my heart is growing fainter by the day.

@ 4:59 AM

I keep forgetting about this blog because I'm so busy during the day time. Means I'm slowly forgetting about my past too.

It feels like I'm losing a grip on my emotions. Days are becoming different, my routine is changing, however my emotions are not. They're still as empty as ever. Not happy nor sad.

Monday, July 16, 2012 @ 12:14 PM

Empty days, empty nights.

Friday, July 13, 2012 @ 10:45 AM

When you’re happy, you enjoy the music. But, when you’re sad, you understand the lyrics.

— Frank Ocean

@ 5:12 AM

My reaction when I opened the letter from Collegeboard containing my APWH score was probably priceless.

Although a 3 might be a disappointing score for some, it definitely took me by surprise since certain people that were highly expected to pass it did not, and I wasn't one of them.

I managed to pass. I PASSED.

This joy is even greater because I didn't have the slightest hope in passing since I thought I did fucking terribly. I'm just rambling now but yeah, point is, I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

Thursday, July 12, 2012 @ 6:19 AM

The night before I left Korea, my uncle sat me down and lectured me about love. At first I was taken aback by this abrupt topic since not even my parents ever went in too deep about love or even emotions that might arise during my adolescence. To put it simply, everything he said—as much as I'd hate to believe it—felt as if it were the truth. Every word he spoke that night was wrapped with ache and sincerity. I felt it coming from deep within his heart with hope that I'd understand and avoid facing the experiences he had once faced as a naive child.

He said that without pain, love does not exist. Not merely a tinge of pain, but absolutely excruciating pain, the type of pain that suffocates your heart, chokes your throat, and controls your thoughts. If there is that kind of pain resting in your heart, that's when you're certain that your love is real.

Love isn't sweet. It isn't all about happiness, he said.

While he was lecturing me on this, all that flashed by in my mind was my past. I'd already felt the pain he was describing. I had fully experienced it before, it wasn't new. The only thing I felt was sadness approaching me as this realization came into picture. I didn't want to believe that I had ever loved that kid. I wanted to forget the entire thing in disbelief. But everything he had said that night was clarification that opposed to what I wished I could believe.

@ 1:21 AM

A rare photo update
Wednesday, July 11, 2012 @ 3:41 AM

Friday, July 6, 2012 @ 9:17 AM

The past few days have been good to me. I've regained calmness within my heart, although it's unknown how much more I can endure until I break again. Nothing's for certain, not now, not ever. I stopped suffocating myself with thoughts of my own issues, what I lack, and what's beyond my control. I kept myself busy so there's no time for my mind to search for negative thoughts to dwell on for an entire day. Basically, I've been supressing sadness by avoiding my thoughts completely; my emotions are detached from my heart and nothing gets to me like it used to. I haven't let anyone in long enough for them to have any impact on me, and it feels great. I feel secure. My walls are up again. Happiness hasn't been reached yet, but where I am now is better than where I used to be.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012 @ 8:23 AM

I'm okay now, thanks to all of this time spent alone.

Promise I make myself.
Thursday, June 28, 2012 @ 7:36 PM

Lost all of my hope for you.

Finally.

Now I'm hoping to never regain those, or anything related to you back into my heart.

No more faltering. No more going back and forth. This is it. I'm done with these emotions.

@ 7:22 PM

Fine, but unhappy.

Friday, June 22, 2012 @ 6:04 AM

For the longest time I've been searching for someone to save me, lift me up from the ground, free me from these issues that chain me down, only to realize that I'm my own savior. I can only help myself. No one can save me.

@ 5:33 AM

No one to talk to about my biggest problem.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012 @ 6:22 PM

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story

Tuesday, June 19, 2012 @ 7:45 PM

Everytime I feel as if I'm finally reaching that point where I forget you completely, you never fucking fail to haunt me even in my dreams. Constantly reappearing whenever I'm "okay". Leave me alone.

Thursday, June 14, 2012 @ 8:29 AM

First day in Korea has been good to me. So much walking though.

Sunday, June 10, 2012 @ 10:36 PM

Falling in love seemed so easy back then. Now my eyes are open and I've realized that I've never experienced love, and it doesn't come around very often.

Sometimes never.

@ 10:34 PM

Why am I still complaining about being alone when I'm choosing to be single?

Being independent is a choice, yet why am I constantly wanting to be in love with someone?

Saturday, June 9, 2012 @ 9:06 AM

All of that was only an act. Nothing was real. You weren't real. We weren't real.

Friday, June 8, 2012 @ 4:31 PM

No one gives a fuck if it hasn't happened or isn't happening to them.

I'm in need of some sort of remedy.
Thursday, June 7, 2012 @ 3:54 PM

I am in denial, it’s true.

I don’t want to believe it.

I care. I thought I had forgotten you for good, well, I was just about there. I was so close. A few more steps and I would’ve reached my goal.

But I am reminded of you all over again. Everything I’ve built up so far crumbled into pieces; my heart suddenly collapsed. It feels so weak now.

You are nothing to me. I constantly repeat those words whenever thoughts of you would slide pass my mind as I let out a loud sigh. I always let out the loudest sighs when I’m forced to think of you because I feel so immensely suffocated. I just want to be left alone. Everyone says that I’m choosing to suffer by thinking of you, that I have a choice and I’m not helpless. I may not be but I sure feel like I am, I feel powerless to my thoughts and most of all, hatred towards you. I wish to feel indifferent towards anything relating to you so I’m no longer affected by your presence, but it’s never that easy.

@ 11:14 AM

Fuck you, fuck you very very much.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012 @ 9:00 PM

Summer has officially begun. Let's do this.

@ 8:56 PM

When did I start becoming so afraid?

Fear is growing within me; overcoming, dominating my actions and thoughts. I'm becoming increasingly more conservative. I'm being reluctant to make decisions: hesitant to make the first move, the first step towards a life changing decision.

What have I got to lose? Am I really that afraid of failure? Getting wounded again?

Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 6:41 PM

While I can’t have you, I long for you. I am the kind of person who would miss a train or a plane to meet you for coffee. I’d take a taxi across town to see you for ten minutes. I’d wait outside all night if I thought you would open the door in the morning. If you call me and say ‘Will you…’ my answer is ‘Yes’, before your sentence is out. I spin worlds where we could be together. I dream you.

— Jeanette Winterson

Saturday, June 2, 2012 @ 1:51 AM

I only write in here when I have no one to discuss my complex thoughts and emotions with.

Lately the number of drafts on here have been growing because it's getting increasingly difficult to find people that I can communicate with. All I desire is someone who will listen to my deep thoughts, no matter how depressing or obnoxious it may be, and I will simply return the favor.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012 @ 3:20 PM

Sharing tales of those we’ve lost is how we keep from really losing them.

— Mitch Albom; (For One More Day)

I made a promise to myself to no longer speak of you, because when you're not a topic of discussion, you'll become a memory; you'll fade from my mind faster. When I am surrounded by silence with nothing to distract me, my mind begins to roam and it almost always dwells in the thoughts of you. You are still a wall, a wall that I cannot, but eventually will, break down. A wall that I will crush because it is nothing more than a barricade that restrains me from achieving much greater things beyond the past with you. Your name isn't brought up as often as before in my conversations, your presence is less painful, the memories that float by from time to time are less dreadful. I am moving on, I am making progress, I will eventually lose you. And I will be glad.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012 @ 10:36 PM

I hate you as a person, but I really, truly, did love all the feelings you made me feel. I miss them. So much.

Monday, May 28, 2012 @ 12:01 AM

There are numerous hints that lead to the answer that I'd prefer, but then again things aren't always what they seem.

Sunday, May 27, 2012 @ 11:53 PM

How are you able to tell when it's safe to start "liking" someone? Your heart wants it, yet the mind holds your heart from drifting any further. You should never think with your heart but there's always a tinge of ache that grows from within when it doesn't get what it wants.

What are you supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do.

Saturday, May 26, 2012 @ 1:29 PM

I'm not sure where my feelings are taking me.

Thursday, May 24, 2012 @ 5:59 PM

Wednesday, May 23, 2012 @ 4:00 PM

I'm not into physical flirting.

If you'd like to win my heart, captivate me with your words, grab my attention with the things you say. Make me laugh with witty jokes, make me smile with true compliments, and go in depth about yourself. Tell me what's on your mind, who you perceive yourself to be, and what path you're headed. Capture my attention with charming words and humor. Steal the spotlight.

There is nothing more appealing than a boy that knows his way with words.

@ 4:00 PM

Only trust someone who can see these three things in you: The sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence.

Monday, May 21, 2012 @ 12:18 PM

Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.

Saturday, May 19, 2012 @ 10:18 PM

Less productive than usual today.

Friday, May 18, 2012 @ 7:06 AM

Indifference is worse than hatred.

Thursday, May 17, 2012 @ 2:44 PM

I'm learning to become independent. For so long I had an immovable mindset that forced myself to believe that it was only possible to achieve happiness with the company of a significant other. The reliance upon another person is highly unnecessary yet I deluded myself into thinking that I needed to be with somebody to sustain happiness. To be content. This route of thinking had me fall through evident truth that laid right before my eyes. The times where I thought I was in love was filled with lies, every desperate action was run by my unreasonable desire to find love. Love is nowhere close to what I've experienced, and the longing for dependence set myself up for failure. I was digging my own grave by allowing my emotions to sway and be manipulated. It's foolish to hang yourself on somebody who you consider to be your loved one. It's even more foolish to sacrifice any more than you receive.

Being alone. I used to think that would bring the end to my happiness. That was merely another lie. The continuous routine of becoming attached, abandoning, attachment, abandonment, and so on, grew into an extensive habit. This makes me realize how foolish yet mutinous I was for risking so much, so easily. With much time to myself, I've become aware of my surroundings and what they have to offer. I've learned to appreciate time with lasting friends, and time itself. Freedom was obtained as an individual, as I was no longer bound to the complexity of a relationship. Barriers that prevented my own good were lifted, walls fell. I'm replacing my naive characteristics with knowledge I've accumulated through my failures.

There will always be a spot remained empty within my heart for somebody to step in, but it's no longer open to a wide range. I won't go searching. I've sought and was left with shit, thinking I've discovered treasure. It is only now that I'm able to distinguish an imitation from a real jewel, I've learned the distinction between the truth and what seems to be true. Things that are meant to be will happen despite how complex and distant it may be, nothing will be forced, and it will come naturally.

I'm finally maturing.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012 @ 10:19 PM

It's as if all that's happened, never actually occurred. It feels like a dream that I'm unable to vaguely recall. An uncommon fairy tale with a bad ending.

Monday, May 14, 2012 @ 12:48 AM

There are a lot of factors that contribute to the reasons why I'm not very fond of specific personalities which holds me back from associating with certain types of people.

I get disappointed too easily with the actions they do unconsciously or their past. Or even their future plans.

I hate discovering that they're a bit tainted when I expected innocence.

Sunday, May 13, 2012 @ 1:36 PM

So much to do this summer. I can't wait.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012 @ 6:17 PM

No one knows me. No one takes the time to look past my outer shell, no one makes the effort to explore my mind to give me the opportunity to share my thoughts.

No one will.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012 @ 11:26 PM

The word forever is tossed around as if it means nothing.

Just like the word love.

@ 1:10 AM

Monday, May 7, 2012 @ 6:45 PM

I enjoy getting to know people. When you step into that phase where you're constantly interested in what they have to say, who they are, and what they do. It's the time period between friends and strangers, where it's not really on either side but more in the middle. You feel as if you can spit out a trillion words and listen for days while having a firm grip on your curiosity about them.

It's also the phase where you learn whether or not they're the right type of friend for you.

@ 6:15 PM

And I wonder if it’s better to be completely apathetic and blank rather than filled with complex emotions that are as frail as the clouds. Always changing, always moving, always being affected by the slightest blow of wind.

Sunday, May 6, 2012 @ 9:25 PM

I’ve noticed that a lot of people out there are really without substance. Even though i want to talk to people, there’s nothing for us to talk about besides the usual conversation of how they’re doing and the sort. It’s not like I’d spill all my problems out to a stranger, but it’s nice to know that you can do that to someone, rather than feeling like you can’t tell them anything at all. People are like paper, it’s like they can only hold so much material on it’s sides and nothing more. When did they become so dense, so empty, like ghosts of people wearing nothing other than smiling masks. I just want to talk to someone, but no one seems to be able to.

source: ikilledalaska

@ 4:23 PM

I know.

I know.

Stop mentioning things that I already know. Things that I've known for awhile now.

I know that I could have done better. I know that I can do better. I know that I have failed, you don't need to shove it in my face one more time. There's no need for you guys to constantly bring up reminders of my short comings, my flaws, and my losses. I'm fully aware of my own mistakes and all the things I could have accomplished. Mom, dad, you both speak words that cut deep into my heart thinking those are words of motivation, when they come to me as words of disappointment. Indirect messages that imply how disappointed you are in me yet you don't want to be bold about it to spare a young one's heart. Yet I already know. I can see clearly through those words.

Saturday, May 5, 2012 @ 2:02 PM

@ 10:44 AM

I'm much obliged to the few friends I have that understand the depths of my heart.

@ 10:23 AM

I will admit that there are still some things that hit the core of my heart, some so strong to create a painful sensation as if I've been punched straight into my chest. After 3 months, memories are no longer a problem. I'm quite surprised at the rate of my recovery and how fast I'm forgetting memories I thought that would afflict me until the end of time. Yet there are times where I fall, especially when I'm going about my daily activities, whether it be beyond the comfort of my home or inside it, as I pass by things that arouse the emotions I wish to condone. All I long for now is to feel nothing, be unaffected by everything relating to the past, and to forget. Simply forget.

Friday, May 4, 2012 @ 11:50 PM

You think because he doesn’t love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn’t want you anymore that he is right — that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don’t. It’s a bad word, ‘belong.’ Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn’t be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don’t wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.

— Toni Morrison

Wednesday, May 2, 2012 @ 11:16 PM

So overjoyed that my best friend is happy. Finally.

@ 2:41 PM

After awhile of thinking, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not actually depressed,

I'm just fucking bored.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012 @ 8:16 PM

I guess being independent won't be that bad.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012 @ 11:58 PM

Exactly when did this all begin?

How did I let myself go like this? Everything's so fucked up. Too fucked up to be fixed. I can't reverse anything. I regret it all.

@ 11:41 PM

Don't you see that I need you?

My life is so incredibly empty without you. These walls keep building up, these emotions keep piling on top of one another. My deadly thoughts are going to eat me alive, I need you to free me from them. Distract me. Captivate me.

This post isn't even directed to anyone, I feel needy.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012 @ 4:39 PM

When I look back, it was the people I cared about most deeply that ended up hurting me the most. It makes me wonder, though. Is it really because they gave me greater scars? Or did I inflict the pain upon myself by naively expecting that they, of all people, wouldn’t ever be bad to me?

— Tablo

@ 3:32 PM

And I am stuck here wondering what it feels to receive the love and attention you've been seeking for. To be at ease with your mind and heart because you know the love that is being poured onto you is eternal. You know the person you not only desire, but possibly even need, will hold on to you for as long as you wish. I want to experience the feeling of completeness, the feeling of being completed by another being. When one devotes their precious time to brighten up your dull heart and gives a thousand efforts to create a smile on your darkened countenance, I wish to understand how that feels like. I wonder most of all, how it feels to be relieved of all the doubts that cloud up the mind. To be able to find a single individual that has proved themselves to be trustworthy, making the prolonged search worth the time and pain. My longing for an individual to fulfill these desires with me will most likely lead to immeasurable disappointment, but my heart will forever seek. It will seek for love that is mutual, equal, and sincere.

Monday, April 23, 2012 @ 11:23 PM

I'm seeking for someone that will put in the effort to make a relationship thrive.

So far, no one.

It only makes you look pathetic.
@ 12:19 AM

Expressing emotions dealing with pain and sadness shows that you're weak. Showing that you're thinking of someone that wouldn't even bat an eye at you shows that you're pitiful.

Sunday, April 22, 2012 @ 5:38 AM

' myu meow says:
*well how to be happy when you're placed in a situation where you can't or shouldn't be
Jason says:
*fix the situation
*i'll go shoot him right now
*where he at
*like foreals
' myu meow says:
*LOL