Thursday, May 17, 2012 @ 2:44 PM

I'm learning to become independent. For so long I had an immovable mindset that forced myself to believe that it was only possible to achieve happiness with the company of a significant other. The reliance upon another person is highly unnecessary yet I deluded myself into thinking that I needed to be with somebody to sustain happiness. To be content. This route of thinking had me fall through evident truth that laid right before my eyes. The times where I thought I was in love was filled with lies, every desperate action was run by my unreasonable desire to find love. Love is nowhere close to what I've experienced, and the longing for dependence set myself up for failure. I was digging my own grave by allowing my emotions to sway and be manipulated. It's foolish to hang yourself on somebody who you consider to be your loved one. It's even more foolish to sacrifice any more than you receive.

Being alone. I used to think that would bring the end to my happiness. That was merely another lie. The continuous routine of becoming attached, abandoning, attachment, abandonment, and so on, grew into an extensive habit. This makes me realize how foolish yet mutinous I was for risking so much, so easily. With much time to myself, I've become aware of my surroundings and what they have to offer. I've learned to appreciate time with lasting friends, and time itself. Freedom was obtained as an individual, as I was no longer bound to the complexity of a relationship. Barriers that prevented my own good were lifted, walls fell. I'm replacing my naive characteristics with knowledge I've accumulated through my failures.

There will always be a spot remained empty within my heart for somebody to step in, but it's no longer open to a wide range. I won't go searching. I've sought and was left with shit, thinking I've discovered treasure. It is only now that I'm able to distinguish an imitation from a real jewel, I've learned the distinction between the truth and what seems to be true. Things that are meant to be will happen despite how complex and distant it may be, nothing will be forced, and it will come naturally.

I'm finally maturing.