I just want my happiness back.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011 @ 3:28 PM

To put things bluntly, I don't need anyone's sympathy.

I'm not asking for it nor have I ever sought a lecture about how much of an imbecile I am. My intentions aren't to waste your time and burden you as you each have your own life to deal with.

Everyone tells me the same shit. The same exact phrase is repeated over and over again.

"You'll be fine."
"I'm sorry."
"You deserved better anyway."

To me, those words seem empty like careless words used to spare someone's broken heart. Those words sound like lies to my ears. Been there, done that. I know for a fact that I can't endure through this like any other strong person. It's not that I can't get over him. I just don't want to. I can't give up so easily on something that has so much value to me. I can't afford to lose this opportunity. I'm certain that I won't be fine nor do I deserve better, because he was truly the greatest. There is no "better" in my book. Nothing will disprove that.

I'm in desperate need of motivation. Something that will push me to accomplish what has always been stuck in my mind. To go after him even with the risks of increasing the distance between us. Pride isn't something that matters to me at this point. I'm prepared to put everything aside in order to redeem what I've had. Just once, I need someone to tell me that I need him. To run after him. To follow my heart. To go do what will make me most happy.

Being certain of my feelings doesn't seem to be enough. I'm afraid to try. I just need someone to clarify what my heart has been longing to tell me.