I believe in happy endings, mine just seems so distant.
Saturday, November 26, 2011 @ 6:42 AM

It could be that I've been wanting too much; self-indulgent and ungrateful my whole life.

So eager to have things go my way, how I've planned it. Before any type of certainty I've developed a horrible vice of circulating those desires in my mind, expecting it to become reality. I would be lying if I said that nothing goes my way, but it's sure seems close to it.

Wouldn't life be a hell of a lot more bearable if your wishes came true? If 11:11 wasn't nothing but bull shit. If Santa Claus actually existed. If the Fairy Godmother wasn't a drawn out made up character. These mere ideas are exactly the things that fuck with us. Complete lies to enhance someone's dull life and to feed gullible people false hope. They were created so the hopeless would have something to hold on to, even if it's plain nothing.

For once, I'd like to experience stability. No longer do I want to feel like my world could be taken from right under me, sheltering myself in from constant paranoia. I want to be assured. No more playing games with my mind, no more guessing. I want to be certain without my thoughts wavering from one thing to the next. For once, it'd be nice to experience "forever" rather than the common lie that is said. General happiness won't last for an eternity, no, but you can always manage to find happiness again if you're with the person you love. This all ties in with consistency, stability, and certainty. I just want someone reliable enough to bear through everything with me until the end.

I want a future with you. And once will be enough.