(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

(919):so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(812):My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

(410):can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443):wasted?
(410):im pocohantasssss

(512):i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

(215):My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

(850):Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850):I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife