Why don't you believe me?
Friday, March 19, 2010 @ 4:37 PM

For the last time guys.
I AM FINE. I AM HAPPY.
This is not a front. I really am happy. I haven't been this happy in awhile.

Yes, my heart does feel a bit heavy. Sometimes my heart feels like it's sinking down. I don't feel like eating because my throat feels like it's getting choked. I feel uncomfortable. Even when I'm not thinking about anything I feel this way. Is this going to stay forever? No, but it's probably going to stay for a pretty long time. I rarely feel like crying. Actually, I never feel like I'm going to cry. I am not going to break down. I am not sad. I'm fine.

I find no reason to be upset with this situation. I'm just glad that I got everything over with. What I really thought it was turned out to be lies. Nothing. I'm glad I don't have to listen to his bull shit and drown in his lies. I'm glad I don't have to be paranoid every second of the day. I'm glad I don't have to worry about fucking up and ruining everything. I feel free; I can talk to whoever, wear whatever, do whatever. Basically I got my own life back.

Stop thinking that I'm only saying this to make myself sound like I'm strong. I really AM happy.

I've cried in the past about this but the situation back then was completely different than what's happening now. I discovered that it's better to just move on. It's not worth it. Everything was fake. I got tricked. I fell for everything, god I'm so gullible. I feel so idiotic for holding on and believing in such bull shit.

Whatever, all truths have been revealed and I am happier than ever. I could care less about the past and what's currently going on in his life. I am trying to live my own life and it's just too much for me to handle to care about someone from the past. No, I am not being selfish. I barely have any strength to get my life back on track. At this rate I might not ever return back to normal. I don't think I can help someone else right now when I have my own problems to deal with. And especially when that someone has done so much shit to me.

I have no regrets,
I take this as just a part of my experience.
I learned to stop falling for such bull shit. Shit that seems too good to be real.

I knew that someone like me would never be able to fall in such wonderful love.
I knew that there had to be something weird about it.
I knew that there was always something hidden behind the words he spoke.
I knew that he was lying to keep me.
But I didn't want to believe it.

Huge mistake. I should have just accepted the cold, hard truth.

I'm happy because there's no point in crying over something that's already been done. This isn't worth crying over. It's not worth bringing myself down and upset when there's nothing I can do, or even want to do. So I decided I might as well be happy than be depressed for the time being.