Alex.
Thursday, March 18, 2010 @ 7:39 AM

First of all, you know you can always talk to me. On the phone, msn, whatever. I'll always be here and I'll stop ranting to you because you've obviously got your own problems. I understand how you feel. You feel lonely especially because it's spring break. I don't want spring break to come either. Maybe you should go out more? Hang out with friends, maybe that will get your mind off things.
"And I guess slowly, I’m not going to mind or care. After a while, I truly will forget. And it’ll be like any normal day."
Alex, that probably won't happen. Everyone wants it to be true but it isn't and we all know it. :/ It fucking sucks doesn't it.

Don't go on Audition if all you see are couples, you don't need that shit right now honestly. You don't see me going on hehe.

I feel the need to go to school a lot these days. Because there are people that make me happy there, people that distract me from whatever shit I'm going through. People that care about me. They make me laugh and make me forget shit for the time being. I feel like I never want to stay home anymore. Home is where I get depressed. Where it's quiet and then I start to think. I hate thinking. There's no one to talk to besides on msn or on the phone. There's no one that really understands how I feel besides a few people, like you.

You're not over reacting. I'm the one that's probably over reacting here. And I don't blame you for thinking negatively, everyone does that. Everyone imagines the worst possible outcome. Yes, I told you that you were lucky because he'll probably always go back to you. You guys have been dating for over 2 years, I'm sure this isn't the first time you guys 'broke up'. At least you have some hope that he will come back to you. You're incredibly lucky and I envy you just a little bit. 'Always and forever' doesn't exist. Shit's all mother fuckin' lies. I'm sorry I didn't know that before. I highly doubt that this time will be your last with him. So stop worrying, at least nothing happened yet. :/

You're lucky that the only time you want to cry is when you're blogging. Seriously.

I don't fucking want summer either. I'm going to go out as much as I can to get my mind off shit but I know it won't be enough to make me actually forget about it 24/7. I know that at least for a MINUTE, I'll start thinking about it and maybe start crying. I don't fucking know.

ALEX, YOU'RE STRONG. You won't break down, you'll be fine. In fact, you'll be better than just fine. You'll be happy. Try not to think so negatively about everything. Try to think positive. I know it's hard but you just have to try.

YOU BETTER NOT END YOUR LIFE, WTF. I don't know if you're doing all this because of some STUPID FUCKING BOY, but I'm going to tell you right now, it's not fucking worth it. A BOY shouldn't control your life like this Alex. GET UP AND STAND STRONG GIRL.
I promise you, there's a lot more happiness coming to you in the future and if you end your life now, you'll miss out on a whole lot of shit. Good shit. You have a reason to live unlike some of the people that commit suicide. There are SO MANY people that care about you. They love you so much. You just need to accept their love and realize their love is greater than some boy's.

No, it wasn't stupid of you to text him. At least you didn't call him and get your heart literally shattered. You probably texted him wanting some kind of hope that you guys will last. That this won't be the end. You just wanted to hear something, anything, that will make you certain that your relationship WON'T END, forever. Same shit happened to me, but the only difference is that my situation was really THE end. Yours probably isn't.

I don't know if you think about, 'who he's talking to, which girl he's flirting with, who's the new lucky girl he might have fell in love with, what he's doing now, where he's at, what he's thinking about, what would he say in a certain situation, what did he eat, when did he sleep, how does he feel, what time did he wake up, how would he laugh, if he's having fun even without me, does he even care, is he happy with the way this is going, how does he feel about me, and most importantly, is he going through the same shit I'm going through.'

If you do think about all that shit, I think what we need to do is just STOP THINKING. It's impossible but you just have to believe in yourself. People just trick themselves into thinking that they're not thinking at all. :)

We have to start loving life again.
Love everyone and everything.