Codie,
Friday, February 26, 2010 @ 9:59 PM

I've got one word for you.


sweetie.
Smile.

!Ungrateful son of a B i t c h.
@ 7:56 PM

I hate when people are so fucking selfish, careless and clueless; or they act clueless when they know every fucking thing that's going on. If you know someone wants to fucking talk to you, GIVE THEM YOUR TIME, especially if that person has spent almost every minute they have trying to talk to someone like you. You're seriously the most ungrateful person I've ever seen. She does SO MUCH FOR YOU. YOU DON'T REALIZE SHIT. How much more clueless can you get? Or careless.

You don't understand how she feels, or what she does when you act like this towards her. If you can't give her another chance, the least you could fucking do for her is give her your time and attention. She doesn't fucking DESERVE to be treated like that. She gives you so much, she has to much to offer; you just never give her a chance to express herself to her fullest. You don't give her god damn TIME. You barely give her shit. You look like a heartless bitch, really. How can you seriously do this to someone that cares about you SO MUCH?

I don't get why the fuck she does the things she does for you and feels the way she does towards you when you're such a bitch. You're obviously not worth it. You're ungrateful and you don't give a fuck about anything. You're just focused on what you want. I've known you for almost 2 years too, and that's all I've learned about you. Ungrateful and careless. I've told her a million times that you're not worth her time and all her work; she doesn't need to try anymore because she can do so much FUCKING BETTER. But she just can't let go. Like I said before, the LEAST YOU CAN fucking do for her is give her at least a fucking hour of your damn time.

You're so.. ugh. There's no word to fucking describe you.

@ 6:31 PM

Best things
@ 6:30 PM

Neeeeed
@ 5:00 PM

!?!
Thursday, February 25, 2010 @ 7:15 PM

There was a time in my life
@ 6:34 PM

where I wish I was born African American.

Why?

Because I thought, if I were African American and I accomplished greatly in society, it would be a much sweeter taste of success.

You cannot doubt it, people of darker completion are still looked down on today. Society just has learned what to say aloud, and what to keep in, to prevent controversial issues.

You see it in the news, when a light skin child goes missing, it’s every where. However, when someone of darker skin disappears, no one gives a flying fuck. It makes me sick.

When people stereotype minorities(or is it majorities now?) it is also incredibly ignorant.

“Henry stop listening to rap, your not black.”

“You’re asian so must be good at math.”

“I bet a mexican stole that.”

With all that has happened, the deaths, the years of sweat and blood, and all mankind has learned is to be fake? Acting as if there’s nothing wrong anymore, that racism and discrimination does not exist at all today.

Are you kidding me?

Kindness
@ 6:28 PM




This picture had me thinking for awhile because it's so true. I should be nice to people, I know. I just don't think I can do it this year. Maybe this will be my 2011 New Year Resolution.

One of the best movies of all time
Wednesday, February 24, 2010 @ 6:40 PM

I love being in love
@ 6:33 PM

God, I love you so fucking much.

There's someone.
@ 6:31 PM

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 @ 6:46 PM

Special thanks
Sunday, February 21, 2010 @ 8:02 PM

To those that have tried to help me when I went through some hard shit.
There's no specific order.

Mina, Savannah, Samantha/ You guys probably have the most effect and impact on my mood. You guys listen to my weird shit, and you make me laugh; you guys make my day.

Sunny/ You calmed me down when I felt the worst, your words kept me comfortable and you were pretty much there for me every time I needed someone.

Guido/ You always tried to cheer me up with your sarcastic jokes; I'm sorry I kept ignoring you, but I didn't feel like joking around. I'm grateful for your effort and that you actually kept trying.

Alan/ Even though you probably didn't understand what I was going through, you were pretty much there for me the whole time I was feeling down. I felt like I could open up to you. Thanks for trying to make me happy.

Kaytlyn/ You kept assuring me that I could get through this, and that I could be happy. I'm glad you care for me, I didn't know you cared about me this much, haha. I miss you.

Eric/ HAHA, I didn't know you cared about me, until now. You sounded like you didn't understand shit, so I told you to shut up. I'm sorry for underestimating you, I should've just been thankful that you actually care about someone like me.

Bryan/ Oh god, where do I start with you. You were there for me since the fucking beginning. I probably look foolish to you now because I didn't listen to a single word you said, but you were here for me when I needed someone to talk to, and made me feel better about myself. Thanks(:

Michelle/ Giiiirl, I'm so happy I have someone like you to help me. You also probably think I'm stupid for not listening to you, but I'll learn my lesson sooner or later. Time will tell the truth? Haha, I don't know.

Ben/ Holy shit LOL, how did I fuckin' forget about you? You've probably helped me the most even though you used a little bit of your time. You stayed positive. I needed that. You spoke and gave me advice from your own past and experiences. Thanks best friend. :) We always say we need to talk more but we never get to. :( Huge fucking time differences. Singapore. USA. LOL.

Amy/ We barely talk, but when we do, you're always there to listen to my problems. You're really strong, and I love that. You're always up for whatever, and you tell me all the positive things about myself, telling me I can do better, etc. Even though that shit might not be all true, you gave me confidence; which was exactly what I needed at that time.

Jay/ Yo nigga, thanks for putting up with my shit. You also gave me confidence. You told me I could get through this, and told me that this is nothing to worry about. Best friends for life braaaaaah'

Monica/ I'm glad you're my best friend. Although your words did offend me and put me down a bit, you were there to listen to my bull shit. I'm sorry if it annoyed you LOL, but I went to you because I knew you could handle it and tell me shit from your own experience.

Alex/ You do everything that a real mom can do. :)

Chayeh/ Hahahahhaa, you make my fucking day sometimes. I love your sense of humor.

Codie/ Solution to all my problems. You're currently the center of my life, if that even made sense. I can't live without YOU. My mood and feelings change based on how you act and what you say. I love you. Need I say more? <3

*If I missed anyone, tell me. I have bad memory.

Extremely motherfuckin' happy.
@ 4:52 PM

"Will you be mine again?"
AWW SO CUTE. :3

Saturday, February 20, 2010 @ 9:46 AM

Stop fucking bringing me down, I am doing fucking everything to hold on to this shit. It might seem like it's nothing to you guys, but it's everything to me. You guys don't know everything that's going on, therefore you have no right to tell me what to do and think this and that. It's making me lose the little hope that I've got. Yes, maybe you all are right about everything, maybe I'm falling for something that's not there because I am gullible. But just for now, before I learn what's real and what's not, just shut the fuck up. I honestly don't fucking need that shit right now.

Friday, February 19, 2010 @ 8:40 PM

Aries & Libra
Thursday, February 18, 2010 @ 8:47 PM

'Here's a romance that starts on a high note. Aries comes on strong, and makes a big show of their affection, causing Libra to think they've found the One. The initial dating period can be exciting, with Libra becoming radiant in the Aries spotlight. It's also a steamy match, since Libra is responsive to Aries bold moves.

When trying to go beyond the infatuation period, Aries provokes and Libra tries to keep the peace. You might say these two have opposing agendas -- one wants harmony and the other revels in stirring things up. Libra feels like they're always being knocked off balance, and Aries finds Libra to be too much of a people pleaser, too co-dependent. Here's a pair that has a lot to learn from each other, as signs in polarity across the wheel of the Zodiac. The potential is there for a lifetime of growth together, if the kinks can be worked out. Otherwise, it'll stand out as the brief, but unforgettable affair to remember.'

@ 5:17 PM


Before I start, I want to remind you once again that I fucking love you and I want you more than anything; No matter what I've said in the past.

You've showed me what love really feels like, and how hard it is to watch someone that means just about everything walk out of my life. I learned how cruel life and love could be; I can't just sit around and expect it to come to me when I didn't do shit to deserve it. I've also learned that I can't get what I want unless I really try. The past two days have been the fucking worse days of my life. It feels like hell without you. My friends have tried to cheer me up, doing everything they possibly can to make me happy again. They told me I didn't need you. At first, their words came to me. I believed them and I tried to move on. I told myself I could do so much fucking better without you. I pushed you away thinking that I could get over you if I did, but I couldn't. I wanted to, but you just kept coming into my thoughts and the more I thought about it, the more I needed you and missed everything you did. You've left me with this empty feeling. It feels like nothing can ever fill in that space except for you, which sucks, because it doesn't seem like I will be able to bring you back. I have tried to forget about what you've done for me and what you said before. But I couldn't, no matter how much I fucking tried. You've been with me for too long, well, it feels like it was for me. You not being here is just too big of a change. It feels like you've become a part of ME, I can't get rid of you. It feels like you're always here. You've left so much memories. I can NOT forget you, I've already tried and failed. It's impossible. The shit I said before, doesn't mean much, what I'm saying right now is how I really feel.

The way you acted towards me made me think that you didn't give a fuck about anything I said. You sounded like you weren't going to change your mind and like you lost all hope. I didn't think anything would change because I've tried multiple times and all you did was reject me. That seriously broke my heart. You acted as if what I said was total fucking bull shit. I had no choice but to assume all that, and since I did, I lost hope in myself also and I basically acted like I gave up at that point. I thought acting like I didn't care would help me feel better and maybe even help me get over this shit. I didn't see why I should keep on trying when you've rejected me so many fucking times. Nothing was improving. I'd just look like a desperate dumb ass. Making those blog posts made me feel better, just like you flirting with other girls cheered you up a bit, and I'm glad it did. Those words I said meant almost nothing, it was just something I did to trick myself so I'd stop feeling so fucking terrible. I'm sorry if that hurt you, but that was how you made me feel and think.

I thought I didn't need you at first. I was fine, and I didn't shed a single tear when you left me. I was a little disappointed, that's all. I was actually kind of glad that I didn't have anyone to boss me around telling me what to do and when to do it. I went to sleep with a bit of confidence because I thought I could get through this. Three hours later, at 3am, I woke up for no reason. I noticed my phone was gone, then I remembered that I got it taken away at school that day. I sighed and thought, "Damn, I can't text Codie." Then it fucking hit me. You weren't with me anymore. I was alone, you were gone. I didn't cry in the beginning, but then I started to think about what you've done for me, what you said and a million other things. That was when I started to cry. I cried like fuck actually; The fact that you were gone was too much for me to handle. I couldn't breathe- at all, my heart felt so heavy. I felt like I was going to die. I really can't explain everything I was thinking about at that moment. All I remember is that I was sad as hell. The space where you used to be is empty now, and it hurts just too damn much. It was then I realized that I needed you more than fucking anything. I thought my friends could make me feel better and help me forget you but they just can't. No one could ever give me the same joyous feeling you have given me. Before all this happened, I even thought about getting another boyfriend, but I realized NOBODY could ever replace you. NO ONE can do the same things you've done for me. Never, ever. I feel like I can't live without you, and this is why I want you back so fucking much. Losing you felt like I just lost a part of myself, and the way you acted towards me even after everything I said to you disappointed me. It seemed like it meant absolutely NOTHING to you, and it seemed like whatever I say and no matter how much I fucking mean those words, you'll never understand how I feel. Like I said before, I acted like I gave up. I acted like I didn't need you, I didn't see a need to keep telling you how I felt when it seemed like it won't change anything. It was the only thing I could do at that time. Everyone told me the same exact thing, "Get over it." Oh, how I wish it was that easy. I can't get over it, nor will I ever will. Yeah, it's only been two days, but I can tell now that I'll never get over this shit. People have tried making me feel better about this, telling me I can do better and I don't need someone like you. No one knows for sure if I can do better, but I am absolutely positive that I need you. Can't get you out of my head, and every time I think about you, I can't help but to just cry. It's really sad. I have never cried over anyone besides my family before. I have never cared and loved anyone as much as I cared and loved you. What hurts me the most is how you just left me, I was definitely not expecting us to end so quickly, and it frightened me. Yes, you did wait a long time and I understand why you're sick of me. But I thought you had more patience than that, and in my perspective you wouldn't have let me go so easily if you really meant the things you said.

The point is, I'm sorry for every fucking thing. I'm sorry for the shit I said that hurt and disappointed you. It's my fault that this happened in the first place, and I am so incredibly sorry. I regret everything. I don't want you to give up on me, and nothing is ever too late. I am obviously a slow ass fucking learner and it took me almost four months to realize how much I care for you, love you and need you. This has been a horrible experience, but I have learned A LOT of things I probably would've never learned if it didn't happen.

All I want right now is you and I now know how much you are important to me. I didn't realize that you became such a huge part of my life until now, and I apologize for not realizing it earlier..ugh how could I have been so stupid.

I love you so much Codie, and it pains me that you would leave me just like thatm and the fact that you're gone hurts me more than anything. I'm not used to you being so far away, and so different, nor will I ever get used to it or get over it.

People will probably think I'm the fucking stupidest person in the world, and they might tell me that I'm crazy for wanting you so bad, but who the fuck cares. This is how I really feel. They don't know everything that is going on between us. It's just you and me. This isn't anyone else's relationship; It's ours.

I don't think I can live normally without you. You've been such an important and huge part of my life. Sometime or another I might be happy again, but I would never be as happy as when I was with you.

@ 6:52 AM

† Alexxie says:
*BLOCK
- myu says:
*i can't breathe again.
*you know how
*righ before you're about to cry
† Alexxie says:
*Panic attack
- myu says:
*your throat just
† Alexxie says:
*o_o
*Yuh
- myu says:
*idk.. can't breathe
*yeah
† Alexxie says:
*just calm yourself
*And take deep breaths
- myu says:
*i have been
*for the past like
*3hours.
† Alexxie says:
*o_o damn
*Hyperventilation
- myu says:
*GOD
*HES NOT
*LETTING ME
*FORGET HIM

Dear Myu
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 @ 3:55 PM



I feel soo corny typing out this haha. Its just cause I didn’t wanna let you post the personal one of mines. That shit is MINE. Myu, you are one of the most mentally strong people I know. I know it’s just a front though. You have as many problems as the next kid. We don’t talk as often anymore cause we’re both busy as hell, but when we do, we’re there for eachother. On another note, Microsoft word is getting fucking annoying cause it keeps telling me I’m spelling your name wrong, and it automatically changes it to ‘My’ smfh.
Let me just start this off by saying: I fucking love you. We haven’t even known eachother for that long. A little over a year? So anyways, you’ve been telling me about life & all this stuff you’ve been going through, hear me out. I’ll just cover a little of everything.
You are a good person. It doesn’t matter how many times you fuck up, or how many friends you lose. If you want to live a perfect life, you might as well be superman. It’s not possible. If there’s someone who used to be very good friends with you, and you both barely talk anymore, its not your fault. It sure hell isn’t worth your time or effort. Life is a two way street, so they shouldn’t expect for you to try & get things back to the way things were all by yourself. Big deal if you stop talking.
Let’s face it, you can’t stop change, so embrace it. Don’t waste time over people who DON’T matter. If you can live without them, then live without them. The majority of the people you meet in life won’t mean shit.
You are most definitely going to find that friend who will be there for you when you need them. That friend who knows who you are. Don’t be scared to get rid of someone. Trust me it saves a whole lot of time. In my opinion the best way to deal with drama is to get rid of it.
In my opinion, you don’t even need a guy. Seriously. We’re both fourteen. I mean… if you like a kid& he likes you, yeah go out with him. I don’t really see the point. It’s not like your going to get married or anything anytime soon. Don’t settle for someone less than what you deserve. Yadayada. I better fucking meet this kid first. INTERROGATION. Lmao, I kid. Anywhoo,
I’m pretty sure I’m mature enough to not go out and get drunk, smoke some pot, sniff some coke, get knocked up, and get kicked out just ‘cause that’s what some kids do. & you’re probably smart enough to realize that too. I know people who do some of that shit, you probably do too. They are pretty pathetic.
Gradewise, try your best. If you try & flunk every class, then.. you’re retarded. Just kidding. It’s really not that hard to pass. I do most of my homework, and study for stuff every now and then, and I’ve gotten straight A’s for the last 7 quarters. [b+ in math is a bitch] if you got a brain, and THINK you’ll be successful. You won’t fail at life and be a hobo just cause you got bad grades in some classes. Giiiiirl, you got a great personality, you could probably get a job anywhere.
In the long run I might not always be here for you. So whatever’s bothering you- you need to suck it up and be a big girl. The only person whose always going to be there for you is you. Sorry to say this, there’s really no reason why you can’t be happy. Get the fuck over it, no one is asking you to be pissed/sad/depressed/mad/whatever/pmsing.
Goddamn, my advice shit is getting old. So I basically just summed up that personal post of mine and rewrote this for you, adding in some stuff that fits you, haha. Ugh I’m so tired, it’s like 2 am. I hope you’re inspired by this =). I’ll probably hack your blogspot tomorrow. Err later today. Or maybe just send you it thru msn or something. Idk, we’ll see. Whatever is bugging you, I hope I covered it.

Love you, bitch.
Amy<3

p.s; looks like I couldn’t sleep either]: I woke up at like 5? Slept at 6 something. hope you feel better(=

2/14
Sunday, February 14, 2010 @ 7:17 PM

I find Valentine's day pointless and stupid.
All it does is hurt the ones that are single, well most of them anyway, and it makes people waste their money on disgusting over priced chocolate and candy. A lot of my friends hate Valentine's day for these reasons. It's pointless and heartbreaking for those who are single and lonely, and some of the people that have gf/bf's are too lazy and cheap to buy a $20 box of chocolates.
For those who are taken, and actually have someone to spend Valentine's day with..uh, that's great, haha, make the best out of it. Though I think people can show how much they love someone on a regular basis, and bring them flowers/chocolates occasionally. I find it weird and ridiculous to see people act nice and totally different only on Valentine's day, and then they go back to being a fucking douche bag the next day. Then again, it's better than nothing. Whatever, I'll always find Valentine's day is a waste of time, and that it's not needed in our society. I think it's something created by the fuckin' media to get people to buy candy and buncha expensive chocolate and flowers so they could earn money. I'm not sure though, since I didn't look up the 'history of Valentine's day', and I'm too lazy to do so.

Happy Love Day, <3
Thanks for everyone's texts this morning,
and sorry I didn't reply to them, I'm a lazy ass.
Oh and, I love you Codie. n__n
I hope you enjoyed that almost 36 page text message I sent you.

Knowledge
Friday, February 12, 2010 @ 6:12 PM

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 @ 12:05 AM

I wish someone told me that they love me for who I am.

10x10 Days
Monday, February 8, 2010 @ 5:24 PM

Great,
Saturday, February 6, 2010 @ 9:50 PM

A bigger problem.

Please continue what you were doing before.
I miss it.
You stopped, and it hurts me like fuck.
That was my only inspiration to keep on trying.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you.
You're honestly amazing, and I'm nothing compared to you.
I'm sorry I can't keep up with your expectations and keep you satisfied.
But I just hate how you can't see that I'm trying my almost absolute best, and how I feel when you do this to me. I want you to understand me even in the hardest situations. You already know that I can't live without you, so why can't you see how hard I'm trying. I want to go back to the way we were before. Before, as in when we never had to argue about anything. When we didn't have to cry and curse at each other for hours.

Codie, Codie and Codie.
Monday, February 1, 2010 @ 6:02 PM


February 1, 2010. Happy third month bby. :) <3
We've been through a lot of shit the past month and I honestly don't want the same thing to happen this month, or the next, and so on. You've made me feel things that I've never felt before in my life. -cough, LOL haha. Sadness because the person I cared for was sad, depression, disappointment, emotional pain?, jealousy and extreme anger. You've also made me feel, happy, and loved. You have taught me many, many things that I would've probably never learned if I've never met you. I learned that I should start caring about other people, how it feels to actually fight with someone you love, how it feels to be lied to and to lie with extreme guilt, take things more seriously, how it feels to actually care for somebody, how it feels to be threatened and actually get hurt by it, how hard it is to regain something that you've lost, and so much more. This relationship has gone much further than what I expected it to be. I have never loved anyone like the same way I love you, nor have I thought of anyone as much as I think about you. You're the most important thing in my life, and I hope you know that. I'm sorry sometimes I do stupid things that make everything I say sound like a lie, but I'm being honest. I've seriously never felt the same way I feel towards you, right now. If I wasn't serious about this, I probably wouldn't have even done half the things I did for you. :c I love you so much, and I know that we can get through all this. STAY STRONG LOVE♥!