Tuesday, September 24, 2013
@ 9:29 PM
Actually, I most likely do know the exact point in time and what event has resulted in my current inability to commit and be willing to love someone with my entire being, I just don't want to think deeply about it. I don't want to blame a single individual for my unhappiness anymore. As hard as it is, I do have the potential to change myself, I'm just afraid to. I'm deathly afraid to.
When I push people away (and mind you, I've done that too many times after my last relationship), it isn't like the first thing that pops into my head is, "I'm afraid, get away from me, you'll probably hurt me like everyone else," but my mind rather insinuates that with a more subtle approach. It's always in the back of my head—how I am now deathly afraid of any sort of long lasting attachment and commitment—and I have to think about why I feel so terribly uneasy when someone is getting closer to me and is becoming someone of value in my life, for quite awhile. It is only after that, that I realize I feel such a way because of my increasing trepidation of attachment.
I have a very low tolerance span for bullshit, so I'll most likely overlook your (moronic) two cents if they are made. I'm not here to explain my thoughts or opinion to anyone. We can agree to disagree. You don't have to like how I blog or view things,
for it was never meant for you in the first place. I'm not forcing you to read any of my entries and you are definitely not obligated to follow me.