Sunday, January 27, 2013 @ 5:33 PM


Getting over someone. People make it out to be much more easier than it actually is. I'm fucking tired of putting up this bull shit facade of being seemingly fine, happy, jolly, or whatever the fuck society expects me to be. I'm rotting away on the inside. My mind is clouded up with negative shit and no matter how much I work to fight against it, it overcomes me. I'm at defeat in a battle within myself.

That one incident blighted my life. It's not even just about him anymore. Losing him (which isn't much of a loss to be honest) took a toll on every aspect of my life, similar to radioactive radiation that seeps through the most minuscule of spaces and eventually fucks with everything in its path. Good things happen from time to time but nothing gets me intrigued. Nothing keeps me happy.

If I keep living with this sort of tainted mindset, my life's bound to be the nightmare I've been fearing, a bitter life alone in a grey toned world—or has that become my life already? I'm aware of the outcome of maintaining this routine of mine but I'm at a dead end. I'm losing hope to find change. I'm afraid that I'll dwell in this depression for a life time since it's already burned through nearly every barrier I've set up between it and I. I'll only be painting a mirage of dreams that will never come true by sitting here thinking things will turn around for me any time soon but I'm so, so fucking tired of feeling like this.

The worst part is, I have no clue on how to feel better. Materialistic objects aren't going to keep me up forever. Hell, I'm already getting bored of buying shit for myself despite my heavy dependence on "retail therapy". There seems to be a solution for everything besides my own situation.