I’ve wrote a lot of posts on here and put them on private or I’ve ended up just deleting them. Mainly because I don’t want to seem obsessive; like I’m showing too much feeling to something that doesn’t matter or that it isn’t even that important to other people. I don’t want to feel like an annoyance or a pest. Like what I’m feeling is just all in my mind and I’m just making a big deal over something that is really nothing; like I just want attention or something. Someone that has a lot on her mind, even when she has nothing going on to everyone else. I don’t want to feel like a person that complains, thinks, and whines too much. A person that feels like a constant pessimistic, depressed person, that is sad more then she’s happy. I don’t want to always seem like a downer. So I don’t show it, I hide the sadness with happiness, and I think that’s what we all try and do. We look for the bright side of everything, and cover the sadness with memories and events to make us all feel better. What happens when there isn’t one? When there’s no bright side to what we feel or think. When we have nothing to do or feel good about. What happens when we feel closed in, like we have nowhere to go, and no one to talk to?

The worst part of it is when you feel this way and you have someone and they ask if you’re okay. You can either lie and say you’re fine, because you want them to be happy when you’re around or you don’t want them to know how low you really feel. Or you can tell them how you really feel. But knowing they can only care so much for you and your situation kind of hurts. I don’t know what’s worse, lying about being a healthy, happy, and stable person by just telling them “I’m okay.” Or telling someone how you really feel (personal thoughts and feelings) and them not giving a shit. It’s weird to think.