I feel like I'm disappearing
Thursday, May 20, 2010 @ 5:00 PM

I feel invisible. I feel as if no one wants to talk to me. No one wants to spend time with me, or no one has the desire to waste time on me. I'm not getting ignored or anything. I'm talking to everyone, maybe even more people than I used to. Why do I feel like this? I don't know. Do I want more attention? No. At least, I don't think I do.

This feeling has been here for weeks now. At first I thought it would go away in a few days. But it's still here, and I want it to go away. I don't like feeling like this. I have no idea why I even feel 'invisible', I never felt like this before and I have no reason to feel like this now.

Hopefully, this isn't some sign of depression. I don't want to be depressed. I absolutely hate everything that has to do with depression. Depressing people, depressing songs, depressing movies, etc. I don't want to become someone I dislike.

Maybe I need to go out more. Yeah, that's probably why I feel this way. Because I'm always inside on the computer, or watching TV. It's always so boring. It's not that I want to stay inside. I want to go out as much as possible. I want to go out every chance I get. But I can't. I'm not going to blame all this on my parents because I did this to myself, but they don't trust me enough to go out, even with adult supervision. What the fuck.

I feel like my self-esteem has hit rock bottom. I don't feel proud of who I am anymore, and I don't feel like I'm a 'big enough person' to stand up for myself. That doesn't mean I stay quiet and take all the bull shit I get from bitches though. I do speak up, but I don't feel as, strong as I used to? I feel small.